Page 79 of Cast in Shadow
“Bullshit,” she breathed. “Maybe you don’t realize it, but you’ve been different since he showed up.”
“Yeah, more on edge than ever.” More confused. More heart torn.
“No. Well, maybe a little. But you’ve also been more… I can’t even think of the word.”
I arched a brow and waited.
She shot me a weak glare. “You know… more human. Like, with feelings and everything.”
I barked out an unexpected laugh. “I am human, honey.”
“You know what I mean.”
Okay, so, maybe I’d been a little closed off, but it was a necessary evil. Before starting Lexa, my life had depended on me being an island unto myself. And after, well, killing dangerous rogue supernaturals didn’t exactly make the organization a friend to all in the magical community. Most people who knew about us understood our mission. They didn’t always agree with our methods, but they knew removing bad actors helped keep everyone else safer.
The flip side was it also made us plenty of enemies. So, even after realizing Emerson had stopped looking for me, I still kept everything bottled up. It was safer that way. At least for me.
No one could hurt me if I didn’t let them in.
Shay was wrong about the catalyst though. It wasn’t reuniting with Emerson that changed me. It was her. When I brought her under my wing and started to see her as my daughter, that was the first time I’d let anyone know the real me since Emerson. Granted, she didn’t know all my secrets, but she knew who I was better than anyone else.
“It’s not just him, you know.” I wrapped her in a hug. “If it wasn’t for you softening me up, he wouldn’t have a chance in hell with me right now.”
She hugged me back. “I’m not so sure about that. You took me in off the street and treated me like family when I had nothing. That takes a big heart.”
I knew she was trying to make me feel better, but her words triggered a wave of guilt. I’d noticed her on the streets around the hotel weeks before we’d ever exchanged words, and the only reason we did was because she was a better person than I was. “In case you forgot, you were the one who saved me in that alley.”
“Then we saved each other?”
I nodded. That was how I saw it.
“That’s kind of poetic,” she said.
29
That evening, shortly after sunset, Nguyen and I met up at the same clearing where I’d first laid eyes on Megan Navali. We had two teams of four agents working the area, finding the best places for them to take cover.
There was no outdoor festival to worry about, but there was always the chance someone out for an evening stroll might stumble across our trap at the wrong time. The best way to defend against that was to have people in place to redirect them.
“I want to keep the teams out of the action if we can help it,” I said to Nguyen, trying not to let the way he was looking at me get under my skin.
I couldn’t tell if it was worry or something else coloring his expression, but there was obviously more on his mind than a simple recon mission.
If it was worry, it was misplaced. Since I’d come back from the Alius, I had yet to encounter a witch who could rival me in terms of power. My major concerns were stopping her before she figured out how to touch the veil and keeping my peopleand my city safe. Because despite the hours we had in collecting information on her, our data was still frustratingly thin.
Nguyen shot a wary glance over his shoulder before turning his attention back to me. “I agree, at least fifty yards out.” Then he reached out and caught me by the wrist. “Are you sure about this, Senna?”
His heavy brow was pulled down in a scowl, and the energy around him sent a ripple of warning along my nerve endings. It took more than a passing concern to ruffle his feathers.
“I’m sure,” I said. “How many missions have we been on together?”
He didn’t answer, just tipped his head slightly like I was missing his point.
“It’s risky. I’ll be the first to admit that. Which is why I’m the one taking the risk. Besides, between you, me, Emerson, and two top-notch tactical teams, if we can’t stop what’s coming, nothing can.”
He let go of my wrist and shook his head but didn’t argue.
Was it using me as bait that he had a problem with or was it the fact that I was seriously considering letting Emerson back in my life? I hadn’t said as much to him, but I knew better than to discount his instincts.
