Page 64 of Her Cursed Duke
“Oh, that’s right. While I am very fond of the change in seasons, I cannot help but feel melancholy every time summer reaches its end. There is something very bittersweet about the passing of bright, sunny—and occasionally blistering hot—days in exchange for cold, wet, and gloomy ones. Though, that season has its own charm in the chill that comes with it, making it a cozy weather.”
While Aiden was not necessarily talking about the weather—no one would talk about such a boring topic on purpose—he more or less understood where she was coming from. As the seasons changed, the air carried a slight sense of loss with it, marking the things that had to be let go to receive others.
He had never cared for such sentiments, used to living his days out in the same drab, dreary way over and over again, with nothing ever changing.
Aiden knew who he was and believed his life was doomed to end in only one way—with him alone.
But then, Prudence had walked into his life, and suddenly, nothing made sense anymore. For one, it had taken a single person to mar his days with color and unpredictability. Everything was so different, and while at first he had wished that everything return to the way it was, now he found himself afraid of that happening.
“Do you ever… worry? That everything good that might have come with summer would be washed away when the seasons change?”
He was likely not making any sense, but he felt the need to get these burdensome feelings off his chest, one way or another, and this was all he could think of that did not involve him baring his soul completely.
“Sometimes,” Beatrice admitted with a little smile. “Shall I tell you something? It gets harder to remember, the older you get. Suddenly, the precious moments you promised to treasure forever become unaccounted for, and it devastates you. What is worse is the fear of regret. Negative feelings and memories are the ones that linger, sometimes overshadowing the ones we wish to preserve the most. But one way to avoid that is to live a life that leaves no room for regrets.
“Do everything you wished to do, say the words you wished to say. So that even if you do not remember the good moments, you can confidently sigh to yourself, knowing that there are no moments that you regret enough to hate yourself or your decisions. The seasons will change, and they will try to take awayeverything they had come with. It is up to you to hold onto those moments, to make them stay if that is what you wish for.”
His godmother’s words provided some clarity, but unfortunately, he did not think those options were available to him. Aiden had barely even let himself admit the truth—that he had grown to care about Prudence more than he ever thought he could for anyone who wasn’t his godmother.
But it was obvious in the way he gave in to her demands, the way he wanted to do nothing but please her, how often he thought about her. How much he missed her when they were apart.
At this point, it would be foolish to desire more out of their deal. But apparently, Aiden was nothing if not a fool for Prudence.
The downside to all of his thoughts and feelings was that it was not going to change anything. Not now, not when their six weeks were due in less than four days. He might have never imagined that such a thing would happen when he had concocted this plan, but even if it did, there was nothing he could do about it.
Prudence herself was well aware that their time together was drawing to a close. Aiden had almost wished she would not remember, but she had brought it up the night before while they danced. He had hoped to hide the dismay he felt, and thankfully, she had been distracted by the incident with Lord Thornbury and what happened afterward to bring it up again.
Yesterday, he had tried to commit everything to memory, had tried to engrave every detail about her in his mind and soul,desiring to hold onto the pieces of Prudence he was allowed to keep for as long as he could.
“I can’t… Hold onto them—that is. They were never mine to begin with, so I do not have the right to stake a claim to them.”
Perhaps if he wasn’t cursed, perhaps if Prudence wasn’t leaving for London soon… Perhaps he might have had a chance if things had been different from the start.
But those factors were real and problematic, issues neither of them would wish upon the other. It was best to stick to the terms of their deal and allow things to end cleanly, with no fuss.
“I am sure that is not true. What we fail to realize sometimes is that some things become ours the moment we begin to care about them. Take Snowflake, for instance. I knew from the very moment you fell into the lake that the sweet little thing would be joining our family.”
As if he could sense that he was currently the subject of their conversation, Snowflake raised his head to look up at Aiden from his spot at the Duke’s feet.
Aiden patted the dog fondly as he spoke, “I thought that moment confirmed that you had a mild embarrassment for a godson.”
“Oh, yes, that, too. But also that you would never abandon something you care about. You making a fool of yourself beforethe young woman you are courting and her family was simply a bonus.”
“I see.” He nodded sagely. “This is much more different, though. There are too many things at stake.”
“So? What will you do?” his godmother questioned softly, the look on her face almost resigned.
There was only one thing left for him to do, one obvious path to ensure that Prudence wasn’t hurt at all by their interaction. He needed to hold all ends of their deal completely and as carefully as possible.
Aiden did not care what happened to him, only concerned about Prudence’s well-being, very willing to toss his own feelings aside.
“I’ll enjoy the rest of the summer as much as I possibly can. And hold onto as many memories as I can, so I won’t have any regrets later.”
The look his godmother gave him told him she did not believe the last part of his statement, but she wasn’t going to question it. “I hope it all goes well for you, dear. And look on the bright side—summer will always return, so you can make new memories.”
Not this one.This one was a one-in-a-million occurrence, and now that it’s over, nothing will ever measure up.
But admitting that was inviting vulnerability he was not ready for. So, he smiled and lifted the new teacup a servant had poured for him in a toast, silently resolving to ensure that he and Prudence parted amicably and comfortably.
