Page 33 of Her Cursed Duke
“I think it is like that for Lady Foresthill as well. She devoted herself to raising you while she had no prior experience, and she is aging—as are we. She just does not wish to leave you behind, all alone.”
Aiden thought Prudence’s words were reasonable. He could not find it in himself to disagree over anything she had said, but at the same time, he could not help but defend himself.
“I never thought for a moment that she was less than ideal as my guardian.”
“Did you ever tell her otherwise?”
“No, but—”
“Then it is very likely that she does not know. Words of appreciation are more priceless than others realize. I know you love her, I can tell by how much work you are putting into this show of ours. I am sure she knows that you love her, because you tried your best to do things that would please her. But it does not hurt to let her know just how much she means to you.”
“Yes, I know that, but…” Aiden faltered, groaning in frustration. “It is hard to simply say those things. I am not adept at communicating my feelings or thoughts clearly. For as long as I can remember, it has been hard. It is not as though anyone really wanted to know how I felt, anyway. Most people just take a look at me, assume the worst, and tell others to think the same. I do not know how to convey anything to others properly.”
Prudence gently squeezed his arm. “You do it well enough with me. I have never had to make any assumptions about you because you have always shared your thoughts with me, and they have never left me feeling confused or lacking. This partnership works as well as it does because we are both willing to communicate freely.”
Aiden glanced at her momentarily, then refocused his attention on Snowflake, who was still happily trotting around, occasionally sniffing around the dirt.
“That is because I feel comfortable in your company—more than I have felt comfortable with anyone else. I have never had to pretend to be untouchable or cold with you. You are honest, soI know you are more likely to insult me to my face rather than behind my back.” He grinned at her as she glared at him. “You are also one of the kindest people I have ever met. Not many people would have agreed to assist a stranger in this manner or have put up with the tests my godmother organized. You are special and strange, and I am thankful for it.”
“I am glad I can offer you some semblance of comfort,” Prudence mumbled shyly.
“As am I, Prudence.”
A thought flashed in her mind, and she hesitated a little before enquiring, “Might I ask you something?”
Aiden nodded. “You may.”
“Why is it that you do not wish to marry? Aside from the opinions people in these parts have of you, I am unaware of any other concerns that explain your strong reluctance to even consider marriage. The time you dedicate to our false courtship could be invested in something much more real and worthwhile. So, why will you not?”
Aiden had expected her to ask that question. In fact, he had anticipated it to have come much sooner. But his preparation barely meant anything because, in the end, he still did not have an idea of how best to explain his side of the situation.
I can’twas a good enough beginning, and he wished it could suffice. But Prudence had been very patient and kind to him, so the least he could do was provide a suitable response.
“If I were to marry, I would be putting that person in danger. I do not want to be responsible for the loss of another life. I refuse to be. My godmother will not understand it, so I can’t hope to explain it to her. But please believe me when I tell you that I am doing everyone a favor.”
He sounded too calm, as though he had come to terms with his situation and had no interest in changing it. And that saddened Prudence because it was not right for him to have been bombarded by so much judgment and hate for so long, much less have arrived to the point of accepting it as the truth.
“Aiden,” she began carefully. “If this is about what people say about you, it is not true. None of it is. You are not cursed—”
“I was the one who fell sick first… among my family members. I started feeling under the weather first, and then everyone else caught the fever a day later. I got better, they did not. Does that sound normal to you, Prudence? How could I—not even my younger siblings survived. When people speak about it, they make it sound as though my family wronged me, and the illness took them as a sign of my retribution. But I was the one who succumbed to the disease before them, and somehow, I was the only one who was spared from death. If that is not a curse, I do not know what is.
“You might not believe it, but I have spent every day since their passing feeling haunted and scared. People think I chose to be this way, that I am happy living as a harbinger of doom and death. But that could not be further from the truth. I do not think there is a single person out there who could understand me and my situation. I thought there was, once. She claimed that she loved me and desired to be my wife. Turned out she was only after my wealth and was quite comfortable spreading rumors about me conducting rituals with the bones of children.
“So, Prudence, I do not think I can live the life my godmother wants for me. Love is the biggest farce of all, convincing innocent people to fall completely for rose-colored ideals and hopes without concrete proof that their hearts will be safe. It is the cruelest joke of all.”
Prudence could not help but understand. Love had always been a concept that confused her immensely, appearing like a sly trickster that snuck past a person’s defenses to graft itself to their very nature, creating a total dependency on the object that the person had fallen for. If it just so happened that the object of the person’s affection did not return the same feelings, all they would be left with was devastation.
“I agree with you, love is worthless. It strips people of their ability to cope and exist properly if the person they love is no more. And sometimes, it inspires devastation greater than most who fall victim to it deserve. I had someone like that… once. When I was seventeen. He told me every day that I was the love of his life. Had me convinced that I would have no future without him—that I wouldn’t want a future without him. And then… I heard him tell another girl that he was only interested in mebecause I was always happy to do things for him, that I couldn’t be the love of his life, because I was boring and weak.
“Thankfully, it did not sway me from choosing to always be kind. But it did make me resent the wordlove. He always said it so easily, and I believed him, every time… That aside, I wish you would not view what happened to you and your family as your fault. Do not claim responsibility for an act of nature. I am sorry you had to go through that, and I wish I could help you move forward to brighter, happier times. I just hope that you will have acquired the peace you deserve at the end of our ‘courtship,’” Prudence said softly.
“You are too kind,” Aiden quietly noted, feeling oddly angry over the fact that some fool had taken advantage of her good nature when she was but a young girl.
Though, he supposed he was not one to talk. He was doing the same, using her sympathetic nature to serve his own needs. The only difference might lay in the fact that he wanted more from her. More than her words and her smiles, something he felt if he got a taste of, he would never be satisfied.
And Aiden was not sure if that made him better than the boy from her past or much, much worse.
“So I have heard.” Prudence smiled.
