Page 8 of The Scarred Duchess Deal
Tessa sighed. “What is possible?”
“Your jealousy makes you even more disgusting to look at, you know. You ought to try to control yourself more. Fear not, Cousin, I will be sure to capture the hearts and minds of everyone in the room – you will be forgotten. As you should be. You can thank me for the favor of invisibility later,” Sophie said scathingly bitterly before slapping on a perfect, bright smile and exiting the carriage.
Tessa had half a mind to simply stay in the carriage. She was unlikely to be missed.
“Come on, Tessa dear.” Aunt Anna gestured for her to come forward and she had no choice but to oblige. She trailed a few feet behind her aunt and cousin as they made their way inside. She chose to look at the decor, and the flowers, to listen to the music with such intense focus that she could pretend that each and every person she walked past did not do a double take to see her scars.
What was the point in announcing them inside when everybody in thetonknew about the scandal? They would know of her arrival before she even made it all of the way inside at this rate.
Even with all of Sophie’s plotting, planning ways, Tessa did not hope for the girl to actually be caught up in a scandal. It was by routine alone that she grabbed her dance card from the table at the entrance. She listened to the announcement of her and her cousin; she felt the eyes on her and heard the whispers start the moment they walked down the stairs into the ballroom.
It was a lovely space; there was no denying that.
If only there was a way she could wander away, or fold herself into the crowd and simply disappear. She could gorge herself on small cakes and lemonade if she wished. Perhaps wine would even make the evening feel warm and pleasant as it passed… or it could loosen her tongue. That would not end well for any involved.
No. She would stay by her aunt’s side, allowing herself to be chaperoned. She knew that at one-and-twenty years old, she could not yet be considered a spinster.
“Did I hear that correctly?” Sophie interjected on their way around the room. She whispered excitedly to her mother, “Did you hear that there is a duke in attendance? A bachelor one at that! It is as if God and fate have conspired to provide me with opportunity. I must find out more about him. If he is a rake then my job will be made all that simpler, do you not think, Mama?”
Anna’s jaw clenched. She did not like the notion that her daughter was going to throw herself at a man just to trap him into a marriage, but she understood the tactic behind it. “Perhaps you ought to try to have a conversation with him first? See if you even like him? He could be a dog person, and then where would you be?”
Sophie rolled her eyes. “I do not mind dogs in the way that you do, Mama.”
“You only say that because you do not have a husband who is obsessed with his canine child,” Anna fumed. It was a subject that tended to trigger an angry response in the woman instantly.
“Yes, but I do not care if he likes me or if he likes dogs, Mama. I am not interested in a love match. Comfort. That is what I desire. I desire nice things and pretty gowns. So long as he is not horrible to look at and makes a good income, I do not care about much else,” Sophie explained as if it were the most normal thing in the entire world.
“You cannot possibly have no desire for love whatsoever?” Tessa interjected.
“Why should I? Love fades. Certainly, you know that. Any gentleman in this room is only looking for the prettiest, most accomplished woman to add to his arm and bear his children. He will not care for my personality and I am equally certain that when I reach an age when my looks start to change, he will ship me off to live in some country home away from him and whatever mistress he chooses to keep. When that time comes, I would far rather be outcast as a duchess into a grand estate with every possible comfort than live in some regular house, heartbroken by a man who lied and said that he loved me.” From Sophie’s expression, it was clear this was the only life path she deemed possible. She could not fathom how somebody like Tessa could not understand such a thing.
Even Anna seemed to think that would be her eventual fate. She shrugged and muttered, “Certainly a better outlook than being cast aside for a drooling beast.”
Tessa could hardly believe it.
Tessa’s own father had been similar to her uncle, Theodore, in that he had been obsessed with a great many things in his life. Yet he had not been obsessed with anything more than he was enamored by his own family. He doted on his children. The way that father had already treated mother was nothing short of adoration. It was the sort of example of love that made anything seem possible.
Were Tessa not deemed ineligible by theton, it would have been the sort of match that she would have been expecting as well. Were she looking for a husband, she would want a love match. She would have wanted the sort of admiration and affection that overcame her – body and soul. She would have given everything to a man like that. Above all else, she had desired a great many children who would be living, breathing, wonderful manifestations of said love.
Listening to the woman in front of her, one would presume that love was only a fictional ideal that would never actually exist.
“An argument could be made, perhaps, that you are too young to be so very cynical–” Tessa spoke with sadness.
Sophie’s gaze narrowed. “And what would you know of it? You will die alone, with no husband whatsoever.”
Tessa could not deny the sting of her words. Propriety be damned, Tessa turned and walked away from her aunt and cousin as quickly as she could. She wished she was at least allowed to wear her hair down so that she might spare herself the leering from every passing face. Sometimes, when she lay awake at night, unable to sleep, she would dream about being able to scream at those same people. She dreamed that she could tell them to mind their business or that staring so openly was rude.
Even the wallflowers lingering around the edges of the room seemed to give her a wide berth as she approached them. She moved to an open space and the small grouping of girls shifted to the side so that she would not mistake their close proximity as an invitation to speak with them.
Shallow. They were all so very shallow. Each and every one of them.
In moments like this, she missed her brother more than anything in the world. He would know exactly the right thing to say. He would wrap his arm around her shoulders and pull her close while doing everything he could to cheer her up until her sides ached with laughter.
She hoped that he was all right. Wherever he was. She had to believe that he would not have abandoned her here – to suffer like this – without having a very good reason. Someday, he would return for her. Of that much, she was absolutely certain. He would come for her – she just had to wait.
Tessa focused on that thought and only that thought as the women taking walks around the room seemed to deliberately slow as they passed her. Each of them lingered on her scarred features for a moment too long before hurriedly walking on again.
“Could you imagine?” Tessa heard one of the wallflowers say.
