Page 18 of The Scarred Duchess Deal
Sadness bled into her tone and Leo could not understand why. Not at first.
“You are still quite young, there will be plenty of years left yet for you to have children! However many you please,” Leo answered.
Tessa regarded him strangely. “Why do you think that? Given that we have entered into a strange sort of friendship I think you should respect me enough to speak plainly. I do not need you to sugarcoat pretty lies to make me feel better. You know just as well as I do that no gentleman in his right mind would desire to have children with me. Not being able to have a family of my own is the only thing that I will regret in this life.”
There was no self-pity in her voice. She spoke her words as if she were conversing about the weather, as if such things were simply a matter of fact and to be regarded as a given course of future events. This saddened him for reasons that he did not even understand.
“Come, we should return to the study before we lose the rest of the afternoon light,” Tessa suggested evenly. Leo wanted to argue with her. The more time that he spent with her, the less obvious her scarring appeared to him. No longer was he focused on the marred skin but on the beauty of her face as a whole. It was not as if her disfigurations were some genetic abnormality; any child that she had would be stunning to behold, there was no doubt in his mind about that. He chewed on his words, unable to think of a way to put his thoughts into sentences that would not be phrased to offend her.
Tessa broke the silence again, speaking aloud what she must have been dwelling on. “Can you imagine it? Most of the men of thetoncan barely stand to touch me for the span of a dance, let alone be near me long enough to consider intimacy.”
Her cheeks flushed red as she spoke and she tried her best not to allow herself to feel embarrassed by the subject matter. She reasoned that since he was her friend, he would not call her out for being immodest. He was a rake after all – he would know better than most, she supposed.
“You will have your own children if you desire them, Tessa. You are bright, kind, and beautiful inside and out. Any gentleman would be blind to overlook you.” Leo spoke bluntly, and honestly, as he opened the door to her family home once more.
She paused, allowing his words to fully sink in as she stood there, blinking up at him. It felt too intimate a thing for him to say. The things that it implied– She found herself staring at his lips once more.
She lingered for longer than she meant to. Tessa’s hands gripped the doorframe behind her to keep herself from swooning. “Well, it is always nice to hear such kind things from a handsome gentleman. If only my cousin were here to overhear them – she might faint from jealousy.”
“Please, do not make light of my words to turn them into something less than they are,” Leo requested earnestly. He could feel the heat of her in front of him – so soft. It did not help one bit that he knew exactly how well she fit into his arms, how her body felt pressed against his. He could not help but allow his imagination to wonder how she might feel pressed up against other parts of him. He knew it was wrong… but he wanted her.
“Apologies, Your Grace, I do not mean to make light of your words. You simply flatter me too kindly and I am unsure how to repay the gesture–”
A soft, overly charming half smile flickered over Leo’s lips as he leaned in closer to Tessa. She straightened her spine until she was pressed against the doorframe. That intoxicating cologne washed over her until she could think of nothing but him and how close he was. Her skin felt aflame with desire and curiosity at the idea that his words had somehow, impossibly, implied that he found her beautiful. Not in the way of a passing curiosity but with a real, deep appreciation for her. It shocked her just much she wanted that to be true.
“I can think of a way that you might return the gesture,” Leo answered huskily. His voice dropped just as it had in the gardens when they met. It took on a quality that made her skin tighten and flush with anticipation. She wet her lips softly with her tongue.
“Oh? Do tell… I could never be in your debt.”
Leo’s hand lifted to curl a finger under her chin gently to look up at him properly. Her lips slightly parted in anticipation; he was going to kiss her. She could feel it. Her whole being practically hummed. Shewantedhim to kiss her – she wanted so badly to have a good memory of this place. Something bright and happy that could be placed over the top of the other bountiful horrors that this house held for her.
What am I doing? How selfish am I?
Tessa’s eyes snapped open and she straightened her spine further to put more distance between them. Was she really standing here, hoping to be kissed by a handsome duke as if this were not the place where her parents had died? She was allowing herself to be distracted by a girlish fantasy when she was supposed to be looking for her brother? When they werebothsupposed to be looking.
Shame rushed through her, replacing every bit of desire until it turned sour.
Was she taken in so easily by a couple of sweet words? Did she possess no self-control? He likely said such things to all women. For all she knew, it was not even an impulse that he knew how to control. From everything that she had heard until now about rakish men, such a thing certainly seemed in the realm of possibility.
She ought to be searching for her brother – and only that.
“Tessa? What is the matter? Have I said something wrong?”
She turned her face away from him, unable to meet his eyes any longer. “No. I have only just noticed the hour… I ought to be returning home. My uncle becomes very cross if we are not all home to dine together.”
“What?” To Leo, this felt too sudden. Something had happened and he had missed it.
“Thank you for helping me… and for making this experience better. Please contact me when you have heard back from them.” She curtsied in an overly formal fashion. “My maid is waiting for me. Good day.”
ChapterEleven
“Are you certain that there has not been any post?” Leo found himself asking for the fourth time that morning. It had been nearly a week without so much as a word from Tessa! The servants were going to start whispering that he was mad – if they had not started already. There was a very large possibility that they were whispering about him and how he had taken to pacing about the rooms of this too-large Manor for too many hours of the day.
“I am sorry, Your Grace, but there has not been anything,” the servant answered kindly.
Leo’s answering smile was thin and uncomfortable as he scratched at the back of his head absently. “Right, well – thank you.”
“Of course, Your Grace,” the servant responded quickly. She lingered for a moment – just a moment – as if in contemplation of what she might ask, but eventually decided that it would simply be too bold of a thing to ask.
