Page 15 of The Scarred Duchess Deal
“If you insist that you are all right with this visit, My Lady, then it is certainly not my place to try to tell you not to. However, I fear that there is no way that I will be able to go inside that place. Seeing it in the papers all those years ago was almost too much for me to handle. I beg of you – please do not make me go with you there. Do not force me to endure it; I cannot.” Thalia looked as if she was on the verge of tears as she spoke. Tessa supposed that she could not blame her. The maid might not have been there to endure the flames, but she had suffered all the same when she had been obliged to nurse Tessa back to health.
Tessa took a moment to deliberate before dipping her head in understanding. She very nearly hugged the woman for feeling so deeply about her. “Of course, I understand. If you would care to wait for me here, I shall not fault you for it. I shall call for you if I require your assistance. You will be near enough to hear me, yes?”
Thalia nodded and took a half step back and toward the iron fencing lining the pavement. “I am sorry… My Lady–”
“You do not need to apologize to me. Certainly not for this. I understand. Were my reasons for needing to return anything less than what they are, I would never dare risk such a thing either.”
“I cannot pretend to understand your motivations, My Lady, but I hope that you will not think me too bold to hope you are careful… and to take great caution with yourself while heading inside at the very least.”
Tessa nodded. “I will assure you of that much.”
She hoped that she looked braver than she felt. She certainly did not feel up to the challenge of opening herself to those particular sorts of memories. Yet, she inhaled deeply through her nose and steeled herself as she turned back down the familiar path. It felt like only yesterday that she was walking this path with Mortimer beside her, with him animatedly telling her one of his silly stories. If she closed her eyes, it was almost as if she could feel him beside her… almost as if she could hear his voice in her head.
It was very nearly overwhelming.
She turned the corner to see that the street was also much the same: the neighbors were far apart in this part of town, and a great many of them had moved indefinitely to their country or summer homes after the accident for various reasons. The lack of life left the street with a spooky coldness that sent a shiver of foreboding down her spine.
Yet, she still traveled onward. Were she not wholly and utterly concentrated on the effort required to keep her from losing her gumption, she might have even congratulated herself on being so brave. She might have taken a moment to admire her own personal ambitions. The closer she got to her family home, the louder the voices in her memory became. First her mother’s laughter… then her brother’s boisterous and animated stories… then her father’s screams… her own cries.
The outside of the house looked unchanged. How was that possible? The door was nearly missing; bits of board designed to cover the space were affixed to what was once the door to her home. Black soot and scorch marks marked the top of the doorway and over the windows but the charred stain hid the inner damages well. A deep sadness and sorrow born of grief in its purest form assaulted her all at once. She swayed on the spot. Tessa nearly felt on the verge of fainting when Leo made himself known.
He appeared as if from nowhere.
Tessa would have jumped clear out of her skin were she not so focused on the building in front of her.
“I was not certain that you would show up,” Leo said softly.
Tessa pulled at the fabric of her gloves as she rubbed her hand together in front of her body anxiously. “I was not certain that I would either.”
Leo turned to look at the building curiously. “Of all of the times that I walked him home after a long evening at the club, I never took a single step inside. I wish now that I had so that this would not be my first memory of this place.”
“I can smell the fire… even from here on the pavement, I can smell it… I did not remember the smell before.” She spoke so softly that she was not entirely certain that she had said the words out loud in the first place. She allowed herself a single moment of further hesitation before she forced all of her emotions from her face, boldly gathered her skirts in her hands, and strode forward.
Leo had to double his pace to close the distance between himself and the front door so that he could open it in time for her to pass through. He could not have been prepared for the sight he was met with. His jaw fell slack as he took in the carnage before him. If he had known the extent – had he even been able to fully fathom just how bad it was – he would never have convinced her to come here. To her credit, Tessa strolled inside as if there was nothing wrong with the home whatsoever. She fully ignored his shock and walked through the grand foyer and into the massive hall to the left-hand side. It had been where her family had hosted countless parties and celebrations. Now the pillars were twisted black and stood precariously. The floor still held a layer of ash that swished behind her like fresh snowfall as she walked.
She could hear Leo’s slow footsteps behind her. She did not wish to endure the look of shock on his face as he slowly put the pieces together as to what might have happened that night.
“There was a time when my uncle had tried to urge me to consider tearing it down in order to rebuild it–” Tessa lifted her hand to a painting that seemed half melted. “I could not imagine doing any more damage to it than has already been done.” She dropped her hand without actually touching the portrait. “Besides, if I were to construct a new home in the same space it would always feel different. I do not think that I could stand it.”
Leo wondered why her uncle would even suggest such a thing; the man certainly did not seem to mind that she was staying with him. Leo would imagine that having his niece there would not only improve their social standing but provide better opportunities for his overly ambitious daughter. Unless his intentions for the home were for his personal use. Leo would hardly put it past him to wish for a second home dedicated to nothing but his war trophies.
“Come on. It is through here.”
Leo moved slowly after Tessa, concerned for her well-being. He did not like how her tone seemed lower and softer the longer she spent in there. Guilt started to gnaw at him for forcing her there. Despite knowing that there were no other alternatives to find a lead in their hunt at this junction, it was harder to be here than he had originally anticipated.
Fortunately for both of them, Mortimer’s study was on the ground floor. Leo refrained from asking about any details from that night despite his morbid curiosity. The doorway to Mortimer’s study swung open with a groan and promptly fell off of its hinges. Tessa yelped in surprise and danced backward a beat, falling right into his arms.
Her heart was racing. He could feel it as his arms wrapped around her. She leaned into his chest, clearly in no rush to remove herself from his hold. She seemed to take comfort from his warmth and stability for a long moment as she stared at the cloud of ash that lingered in the doorway.
Leo’s hand slid slowly up her back; he meant only to offer comfort but he could not deny how she felt as if she belonged in his arms. He was a moment too slow in releasing her and she was a moment too slow in trying to pull away.
“Apologies–” she muttered softly.
“Not at all,” Leo answered as his gaze lingered on her stunning blue eyes.
“We should–”
“Yes–”
