Page 67 of Want It All
It hurt. It hurt all the way to my bones, a jarring agony of rejection. I’d been socertainthat Tristan worshipped the ground I walked on, but knowing that he’d almost bitten someone else?
Fuck, it hurt.
‘I wasn’t thinking,’ he whispered, and I was almost as shaken bythat, because my alpha thought about things even when he was asleep. ‘Icouldn’tthink. My instincts were so loud, Seb, and my canines had pushed through, and all I wanted was his blood in my mouth.Neededit, even. I would have done it,’ he went on, his voice muffled by my shoulder but still heavy with shame. ‘If he’d let me, I would have done it, Seb.’
I whimpered, and he responded with a full-body purr, making my omega instincts roll over and show their belly as my limbs went limp and my head lolled on his shoulder. I would have protested that I didn’t need it, that I could bear the pain, but I could tell it was comforting him, too, as he fell back into the alpha role he was made for.
‘As much as you hate me right now,’ he whispered, ‘just know that I hate myself far more.’
‘Oh, Tris,’ I said thickly, forcing my head up to drag my nose over his scent gland. ‘I don’t hate you. I never could. I won’t say that I’m not upset, because Iam. That shit hurts, alpha. You know how much I want your bite, and you nearly gave that to someone else.’ I pressed a kiss to his tender skin. ‘But you and I are endgame, scent match or no scent match.’ I shook off the effects of his purr with difficulty, pulling back to study his face. He was drawn, haggard, even. ‘Do you want to work through this?’
‘Of course I do,’ he said hoarsely. ‘Always, Sebastian.’
‘Then we will.’ I smoothed down his unruly curls. ‘We’ll work it through.’
The next day we skipped class and went down to the beach, just the two of us. It was overcast and windy, so we had it entirely to ourselves. I waded through the frigid shallows, feeling the push and pull of the waves on my feet and calves, while Tristan sat on the white sand, watching me.
He wasn’t okay. It felt odd to term what he was going throughmourning, but that’s what it felt like, as if he were grieving for something – or someone – he’d lost. Though he tried to contain it, devastation and longing poured off him, and it added fuel to the fire of my hurt.
Even in pain, he was careful with me, endlessly considerate. He didn’t use me as a crutch, didn’t seek to find solace in my arms. I wasn’t sure I could have given it, anyway.
‘Bluebottle, Seb,’ Tristan called, gesturing with his chin.
I looked to my left to see what he’d spotted; the barely perceptible creature buffeted by the whitewash. I backed out of the water, then folded next to Tristan on the sand.
‘It’s beautiful here,’ he said after a moment’s silence, his soft accent stronger in his contemplation. ‘I wasn’t expecting to like it so much.’
I looked out across the waves. ‘There’s a lot here to like.’
I felt his eyes on me. ‘You know I’d take you away,’ he said carefully. ‘If you wanted to go. There are other schools as good as this elsewhere. We could go to the UK. Or to the United States, or Switzerland, or China. Singapore, Canada, Japan … Anywhere you wanted, I’d take you.’
I studied the waves. The tide was going out. I knew what he was saying; that if I wanted, I could pack up and leave. Go somewhere his scent match wasn’t living down the hallway.
That even though he liked it here, even though he had a chance for a biological perfect match, he’d give all that up – forme.
‘You know I don’t agree with my mother much,’ I said, brushing the drying sand from my calves, ‘but when I was in high school – when she couldn’t ignore the bullying any longer – she said something to me. She said resilience was a strength that no insult or fist could match.’ I turned to look at him; his expression was blank. ‘If you want to go, we’ll go. I’ll follow you back to England, or anywhere else in the world. But I’d prefer to stick this out, Tris. I’m not a runner, and you’re not, either. You just need a few days to adjust, and to remember that.’
Tristan didn’t say anything; he just dropped his head to rest on my shoulder, and together we watched the waves roll out.
When we went back to class, Byron ignored Tristan completely.
If I hadn’t realised how strong – or stubborn, perhaps – the big alpha was before, I certainly knew it now. Ignoring a complementary scent was difficult enough. But ignoring hisscent match?
He must have been in the same circle of hell as Tristan, but he didn’t show it. He carried on as if nothing had happened, as if his entire universe hadn’t realigned with Tristan at its centre. He was protective of Rose and flirted with her just enough to leave her in no doubt of his interest, but not enough to be pushy. He joked with Pravin, and struck up a friendship with Pravin’s new boyfriend, Chul.
When he looked at me, I could still see the hunger in his eyes, but his manner was cooler; he was careful not to touch me, or to sit too close.
It was odd, being near them both, and knowing I wasn’t just sitting between two alphas – I was sitting between ascent match. Between two people who’d won the biological lottery, and one of them wasmyalpha. The alpha I’d loved for six years, ever since he’d asked me out for coffee after class and I’d fallen straight into his clear green gaze.
I was simultaneously consumed with jealousy and with the need to make it better. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted it – the togetherness;pack. If I had it my way, Tristan, Byron, Rose, and I would be together, and nothing more would need to be said. But Byron didn’t want Tristan, and two omegas in one pack was impossible – no matter how much I’d liked Rose’s scent, she surelycouldn’tlike mine – so I knew it wouldn’t happen.
But neither could the uncomfortable, silent tension between the alphas continue.
I wondered how long it would last, and who would be the one to break it.
‘Those hormone-addled dickheads,’ Rose fumed, when I told her what was going on; Byron had apparently kept it quiet. ‘They should get the fuck over themselves and be grateful that their perfect match lives down the fucking hallway.’
I snorted. ‘Savage. I love it.’ I paused. ‘I don’t know what to do.’
