Page 33 of Want It All
‘Well, failing that, can you bond him – the son, I mean …unless?– so I can come to the ceremony andcoincidentallysit next to Carwyn and casually drop that oh, I don’t know,he’s my favourite author ever and I want to be him when I grow up?’
‘What happened toyou’re there for a degree, not a pack?’ I countered. ‘Orthat motherfucker didwhatin the dining hall?’
On my phone screen, Chloe waved her hand dismissively. She’d let her hair grow; it fell beneath her shoulders like shining black water. ‘Exceptions can be made, Rosie. For Carwyn Griffith’s son, specifically. And evenI, the best friend, think he apologised sufficiently for the dining hall incident.’
I fell silent for so long that Chloe squinted worriedly at her phone screen. ‘They’re nice,’ I said at last.
‘Ask them for their scent cards, then,’ she answered practically. ‘I know you’re not supposed to have them there, but surely people do it anyway. Only if you want to, obviously, not because I’m a crazed fan.’
‘It’s just …’ I chewed my lip. ‘That makes it allreal. And at the moment it’s like this … summer haze. Everything is golden and warm and full of possibility. If I ask them …’
‘It ends,’ Chloe finished, reading my mind like she always did. ‘You’ll know for certain what it could be – or not. And the summer will be over.’ She paused. ‘It’s fine to live in the haze, Rosie. You deserve it. But autumn always comes, yeah?’
‘Yeah,’ I sighed. ‘Autumn always comes.’
When Chloe had hung up – after extolling the writerly virtues of Byron’s father for a little while longer, then moving on entirely to her pros and cons list for two different Masters programs, one in Singapore and one in Shanghai, both close to different family members and with that, having different complexities – I decided to go to the First Year Library to study. Despite what I’d just said to Chloe, Tristan, Sebastian, and Byron had been absent for the last couple of days. Byron had gone with his parents to visit his sister, though he hadn’t mentioned where; Tristan had sent a rather curt group text saying that he and Sebastian had caught a cold. I’d responded, saying that I hoped they were okay and asking if they needed anything, but I hadn’t heard anything back. I’d spent some time with both Marina and Alessia, but after giving myself the weekend as a break from studying, I decided to get started on the second assessment.
We didn’t have class that day, but I went to the First Year Library anyway. It was nerve-wracking, going there by myself without Byron’s comforting bulk, but I spotted James andPravin at one of the desks and they immediately waved me over with matching smiles.
‘Second assessment?’ Pravin said, by way of greeting.
‘Second assessment,’ I agreed, smiling in return.
I set myself up next to them, opening my laptop and getting started. We worked in a companionable silence for half an hour or so, until James stretched and looked across at Pravin. ‘Did you hear about the commencement party?’
‘I heard it’s organised by the Revels,’ Pravin returned. ‘Apparently they organise most of the social stuff here.’
A later-year student a few desks away stood up, then stepped towards us, his eyes flicking between me and James. Pravin glanced at us, then raised an eyebrow at the other student in challenge. The student turned away, grumbling. ‘Sorry,’ Pravin muttered. ‘Did you want to talk to him?’
‘Nope,’ I said.
‘Absolutely not,’ James agreed.
‘Well then. Anyway, I heard they’re making tubs of sangria.’
James made an appreciative sound. ‘Will you go?’
Pravin nodded. ‘Alessia wants to,’ he said, flushing slightly. I smiled at his obvious crush, though I didn’t know whether Alessia returned it. Either way, Pravin didn’t seem like the kind of alpha who would pressure a beta; James’ relaxed presence next to him rather proved the opposite.
I shifted in my seat. I wanted to go, too. I could ask to go with Pravin, or maybe check whether I could go with Marina.
A familiar anger warmed me. If I wasn’t an omega, I wouldn’t have to worry as much. And if I was an alpha, I wouldn’t worryat all. I could simply go to the party and enjoy my life.
But Iwasan omega, and I knew it was a waste of time to complain. It wasn’t like anything was going to change, at least not soon. Our current government was progressive – compared to other countries, anyway – and their policiessupported universal access to scent blockers and the right to a safe education. But their political opponents were loud, and the opposition’s policies pushed the notion of thetraditional pack, even though designations had barely been around long enough tohavetraditions. They were simply parroting a recycled sexism from earlier times. In their eyes, alphas protected, betas served, and omegas – who were mostly female – bred, and that was all there was to it. You didn’t have to look very far back in history to know that notions like that left a lot of room for the loss of opportunity, of autonomy, and for outright abuse. The government struggled with balancing their policies with the opposition’s demands, and, worryingly, with the opposition’s growing popularity, so things hadn’t moved forward quite as far as they could have.
‘You’re welcome to come with us,’ Pravin said, interrupting the depressing direction of my thoughts, his smile directed at both James and me. I thanked him, but I couldn’t crash his time with Alessia, and it wasn’t his job to protect me.
But it’s fine when Byron does it?
I stared at my laptop screen, mulling over why it felt different. I eventually settled onbecause Byron volunteered.
It didn’t make any sense, because Pravin had, too.
I pushed aside the notion that it was because Byron felt like pack. I couldn’t feel that; I didn’t even know what his scent was.
I shifted in my chair again, restless, then looked down at my fingers, remembering the way Sebastian had twined his own through them.
‘Rose?’
