Page 107 of Want It All
I sat and stared at my black phone screen. My reflection stared darkly back.
‘Fuck you, too, Grace,’ I muttered.
Fuck you – because you’re right.
If I walked through their door, I wasn’t just walking into a heat. I was walking into a heat with an omega I cared about, who happened to be partnered withmy scent match; an omega who was the scent match of the woman I was in love with. It couldn’t get messier if it tried, but at the same time, it was overwhelmingly simple.
If I walked through their door, I was walking into a heatwith a pack.
The question was whether I could get out of my own way long enough to take my place in it.
I’ll leave our door unlocked for an hour.
‘Fucking hell,’ I muttered, and left my bed.
I showered first, washing off any hint of artificial scent, and all my cancellers. I rinsed my hair, making sure I couldn’t smell shampoo or conditioner, then dried off and pulled on clean clothes. When I was done, I messaged my parents, letting them know what was happening, though I didn’t expect they’d see it until morning. I trusted them with Sebastian’s secret, though I imagined my mother would have a few choice words the next time I saw her.
The kitchen was my next stop; I pulled out all the berries in my fridge. They were already washed and ready to eat, so I divided them into containers, then cut up some apples and pears.
Tina never wanted anything but fruit during her heats, she’d told me.
I grabbed some bottles of water, too, and some elderflower cordial, just in case. If Sebastian didn’t want anything, it didn’t matter, but it was better to be prepared.
Four days.
I inhaled. I’d never knotted anybody before. What if I fucked it up? What if Ihurthim?
My phone buzzed.Are you okay, B?
My heart constricted at the text from my dad.
I’m okay, I sent back.I’ll update you.
A moment later, he responded.Not with too much detail, I hope.
I snorted.Absolutely not. Go to bed. Love you.
Love you, he sent back.You’re an amazing alpha, B.
I closed my eyes until the pricking feeling stopped.
I sent a message to my APF team via my monitors, then texted Dr. Ford, letting them know what was going on – with no detail, of course; I knew Sebastian wasn’t registered – so they wouldn’t send someone to check on me if I was radio silent for a few days.
After that, there was no excuse to stay in my apartment, so I grabbed the berries and the drinks and slipped outside, locking my door behind me.
The corridor lights were dim. Clouds had hung around the coast since the big storm a few days ago, so there was no light from the moon or stars when I passed by the windows.
It would have been comforting to see them, but I guessed I was on my own.
I knocked softly when I got to Tristan and Sebastian’s apartment. There was no answer; when I turned the handle, the door opened silently.
My groan was not so quiet.
Scent washed over me: cherry, chocolate, vanilla. After so long in the scentless bubble of Banksia, my body went tight as I drew them in. I wanted to drown in those sweet scents, to bury my face in them and never surface. I wanted to taste them from the source, wanted the flavours sliding over my tongue –
‘Alpha?’
With difficulty, I pushed my instincts aside and closed the door behind me, making sure to catch every lock. The air purifier on the wall was already set to high. I didn’t want anyone else scenting my pack; those perfumes were forme.
