Page 70 of Mother Parker
I raised my hand to knock, but he opened the door before I could.
“You’re back,” he whispered.
“I am.”
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“I am.”
“Do you need something?”
“I…can I…can I kiss you? Again, I mean?”
Hwan smiled and offered me his hand.
“Since you asked so nicely.”
FIFTEEN
PARKER
Itook his hand and let him drag me back into his apartment.
I flicked the door shut and tried to ease the beating in my chest that got so erratic and wild that I felt like a ticking time bomb.
He lifted his other hand, took hold of my free one, and held them both by his side, the silence equally electrifying and suffocating.
My limbs felt just as unsettled. Could he feel it? Did he feel me shaking like a scared fucking leaf?
I hoped he couldn’t.
As terrified as I was, I didn’t want to stop. Not now. Not until I got to see if Autumn was right, and I’d been running from myself all this time.
I thought I’d loved Becca. I thought I’d love Patty and Annabelle and all the others that had come before. But none of them ever made me feel like Hwan’s kiss did. It was like feelings turned up to one thousand, but maybe what I’d felt before wasn’t even one hundred. Maybe it wasn’t even close to what I should have felt for them.
I’d been fooling myself, thinking it was normal to feel distant and detached as if it was happening to someone else, but this? Now? I was here. I wasn’t tuning out and looking forward to it ending. I didn’t want it to ever end.
Something made Hwan jump, and he glanced at the couch behind him.
“So are you gonna kiss me or what?” he asked when he turned back to me with those big eyes and wet lips begging to be taken.
I swallowed a knot in my throat and grabbed him by the small of his back, crashing our mouths together.
Just like before, the eruption of feelings throttled me. Hwan’s fruity, rosy perfume, the taste of raspberries on his lips, the heat of his body giving me goosebumps, it was all there, all as intense as ever, only this time, I didn’t want to run away from it.
It didn’t scare me anymore.
Why had it ever scared me? Why had I suppressed myself for so long when this kept coming up again and again. Like with Commander Patterson, my obsession with him, or my classmate in high school whose crotch I never seemed to stop staring at.
It was just hormones, I’d tried to convince myself. Just a horny teenager who would jump on anything that moved.
But none of the girls I’d ever crushed on had made me feel so hungry for them, had they? None of them had made me feel this desperate.
I pinned Hwan to my body and pushed my tongue between his lips again. This time he opened wide and let me in, and I initiated the dance that was so familiar yet felt alien and new.
His tongue swiped mine, and I couldn’t suckle on his juices fast enough, the act tightening the strain in my pants, making me ache for more, so much more.
A hardness rubbed against mine, and I froze. It pulsed. My breath hitched. It was a new sensation, and I didn’t know what to do with it. My cock responded with its own pulse, and my balls clenched, making the gasp escape my mouth without consent even as it brought me back to life.
