Page 66 of Mother Parker
I grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him to my lips.
The collision caused an explosion of sensation in me: the taste of him, sweet like the raspberry wine we’d been drinking; the skin on his neck smooth and fragile, as if it’d break if I wasn’t careful; the feeling of him breathing into me and I into him; the firmness of his body pinned to mine, half sitting, half standing.
I edged my tongue out and licked between his lips, the friction of our touching mouths making me suddenly lightheaded.
I kicked the chair back and stood to my full height, Hwan’s head dropping back so he could reach me. Our bodies hugged tight, and I felt…I felt a hardness on my thigh.
Shit. What am I doing?
I pulled away—pushed him away and tried to say something, but I couldn’t utter a word. And I could still feel the ghost of his cock on my thigh, and it jolted me awake.
“I can’t—” I managed to say and ran.
I ran as fast as I could until the cold fall wind hit my face and my eyes became focused again.
I was at the beach, people milling around me, too absorbed in their own lives to notice anything amiss.
What did I do? What did I do? Why did I kiss him?
I collapsed on a bench and put my head between my legs, trying to kickstart my body, trying to breathe or function or make sense of what I’d just done.
It didn’t work.
But a sound did bring me back to reality. A ringing that made my whole body jerk back.
I pulled my phone out and answered it before I could check the name.
Shit. What if it’s him? What would I tell him?
“Where are you, Parker? Are you okay?”
It was Autumn.
“Mm-hmm,” I answered, trying to swallow down everything that had come to the surface.
“Parker, what’s going on? Talk to me.”
“I don—I don’t know, Autumn. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t know why—I can’t stop ruining everything. I can’t stop destroying everything good that happens to me.”
“Wh-what? What are you talking about? Where are you? I’m coming over.”
“No. It’s okay.”
“Like hell it is. Tell me where the fuck you are, Parker, or I’ll move heaven and earth until I find you,” she screamed in my ear.
“Pier. I’m at the pier. In front of a place called Nimit’s Essentials.”
“I’ll be there in ten. Don’t you dare move.”
And she hung up. And I went back to trying to make sense of my life, of the remnants of it and how I kept screwing it up.
No wonder Becca left me. No wonder they all left me.
“Parker? Oh my God, I thought you’d passed out. What happened? Wait, are you…are you crying?”
She sat down next to me like the storm she was and wiped my eyes with the back of her thumbs. I hadn’t even realized I was crying.
I tried to resist, to brush her off, but I didn’t have the strength. I didn’t have the energy to hold back anymore.
