Page 113 of Mother Parker
“Then what? Did you even give him a chance to process what you told him? It’s not every day a guy says I love you only weeks into a relationship,” he said.
I opened my mouth, but I didn’t know what to answer to that.
“No. But…”
“But?”
He put a glass of beer in front of a customer, and I snatched it away, downing the damn thing.
“Hey!”
“Sorry. He’s feeling sorry for himself. Here…” Maddox told the guy and poured him another one, telling him it was on the house. “I’m waiting,” he said once the guy was gone.
I sighed.
“I’ve been down this rodeo before, Maddox. I know what to expect. He doesn’t love me, and he probably never will. I’m…unlovable,” I mumbled the last word. It left a bitter taste in my mouth.
Just when I’d started to think that maybe it wasn’t true.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, man?” he whisper-shouted as he leaned over the bar and stared right at me. “First of all, no one is unlovable, so stop it. Second of all…what did you expect? Did you want him to say he loved you?”
“Wouldn’t you?” I asked, wiping my hands on a napkin and pushing the plate away.
“Of course, but…you do know everyone has their own pace, right? Like, look at Ash and me. He’s been in love with me since we were kids, and I was too blind and stupid to see it. And then, all of a sudden, I finally saw him. Like,sawsaw him. But he wasn’t mad at me. He didn’t send me away. He accepted that it was part of my journey.”
“I don’t know what this has to do with me.”
Maddox tilted his head and huffed.
“It’s clear you wear your heart on your sleeve—”
“I don’t.”
“There’s nothing wrong with it. In fact, I didn’t take you for the kind of guy to be like that, but you are, and there’snothingwrong with that.”
“But?” I asked.
Maybe I did wear my heart on my sleeve. Maybe that was why I’d had my heart broken way too many times. Maybe that was why I couldn’t be happy.
“But not everyone falls in love so easily. We all have our baggage, our personalities, our needs. Maybe he’s not in love with you yet, but he’s getting there.”
“But he tried to ignore me.”
“Dude, I thought you were smart, but you’re a big doof, aren’t you? You didn’t even give him a chance. Do you know how scary it is for someone to say they’re in love with you after only a few weeks? Especially if you’ve had your heart broken?”
I opened my mouth to say it wasn’t scary for me, but then I realized what he was saying.
I never even stopped to think about what Hwan was feeling. What kind of wounds he was carrying.
But he made life look so easy that I assumed he wasn’t. How could a ray of sunshine like him have any wounds?
“I’m an idiot,” I said.
“I was trying to be subtle, but…yeah, you are.”
“I need to go.”
I got up and reached into my back pocket, but I realized I had no money or credit card on me.
