Page 107 of Mother Parker
Shit happened to me because I was too afraid to speak up, share the load, ask for advice.
I never questioned the feelings that kept coming back to me since I knew what my dick was for, and I never told my parents what an embarrassment they were to themselves and their church.
I’d never talked to Becca about my problems because I didn’t want to burden her, and I hadn’t reached out to my brother and sister because I didn’t want to worry them.
All the crap that had happened to me had been my doing and my doing alone.
I took a deep breath and looked at Autumn.
“Is it just me, or was Hwan weird yesterday?”
“What do you mean?”
She flopped down next to me with renewed energy.
“You know. When Cam was there, and I told him about our parents. He practically kicked us out of the shop.”
“He was just trying to get us to spend some time together before they go,” she said.
“So you didn’t find it weird?”
She shrugged and looked at a blank spot for a few moments.
“I don’t know. Maybe. Why? Have things been weird?”
“No,” I said. “I don’t think so. We have a great time together. And a lot of fun, if you know—”
“Yeah, no, TMI. Moving on,” she sang as she put a hand up to my face.
“No, I know, it’s fine. That’s just it. I like being with him, but it’s like he’s holding back. Maybe. Maybe I’m just imagining things.”
“Have you talked about where this is going? Maybe he’s not sure what to expect from you.”
I opened my mouth and closed it again.
I hadn’t. Not really. I’d assumed I made my feelings abundantly clear with how I was with him, but maybe it wasn’t enough.
“It’s kinda complicated, isn’t it? I mean, we just started seeing each other, and now I live with him. I don’t know what to say.”
And what if I said something and ruined things like I always did?
“Hopefully, we can get those fuckers soon, and you can move out. Maybe he’s just not used to having someone he’s dating around him twenty-four-seven. Or maybe he just needs to know where you stand. These are confusing times, so maybe all he wants is…clarity.”
Once again, she had a point.
But what if I opened my heart, and it was squashed?
“Knock, knock. Are we interrupting?”
The front door opened, and Cam walked in with his boyfriend, letting in some fresh air in the process.
“No, we were just taking a break,” Autumn said. “Are you guys okay? Did you have fun at the blueberry farm? Isn’t Dare adorable?”
“We had a great time. And we’re all loaded on pie,” Cam said.
“Yeah. I’ll probably be full for the rest of the year. It’s a shame the weather is not better. We’ll have to come back in the summer,” Linc added.
Autumn and I stood and walked over to them, standing in a circle. I couldn’t remember the last time we’d all been together in the same room without the shadow of our parents hanging over our heads. It felt good to reconnect with both of them. If only I hadn’t pushed them away, maybe we’d still be close.
