Page 40 of Fresh Start
"I met this guy," I started, and the fond memories of Bryan came rushing back. "He was a make-up artist in this production, and we started seeing each other. And just being with him, my mind clicked. It clicked that what my agent was making me do was wrong. He was taking advantage of me, and I know it sounds stupid, but I didn't see it until then. Up until that point, I felt like that's what I had to do to get to where I wanted to be. But being with Bryan opened my eyes."
"Did he know? Did you tell him?" Leo asked.
"No. And I think that's why we never really went that far. I've never told anyone," I admitted and waited for the impact to reflect on Leo.
"Wait a minute., Are you telling me I am the first person you have told this story to? Ever?” Leo's face drained of all color.
"I know, I'm sorry. I know it's heavy stuff. I'm—"
Leo placed his fingers on my lips and made me stop.
"If you say you're sorry one more time, I'm going to punch you. You have nothing to be sorry for. And I feel nothing but honored to be the first you confided in. I can't imagine what it must have been like, but thank you for trusting me with this," he said.
My heart was literally breaking, seeing Leo being so passionate and so empathetic. It made me want to cuddle him again, kiss him, fuck him until we took our last breath. Anything to show him how much that meant to me.
"I mean, I don't get it, because up until five minutes ago, we were at each other's throats, but I'm glad you told me. Your secret is safe with me until you're ready for it to come out." Leo smiled and leaned in for a kiss.
His lips were like a drug I’d been denied for too long.
"I wish I had your strength," I said when Leo lay back.
"What do you mean?"
"I wish I had the strength to come out to the entire world like you did."
He chuckled. I wasn't sure what I’d said that was so funny, so when the chuckle turned into laughter, I kept asking Leo to shut up and explain what had gotten into him.
"You think I came out because I'm brave?" he asked, and I nodded in response.
"Well, my friend, let me tell you my story now. When you left, I got a modeling agent. It was so completely different to what I wanted to do, but I thought it would bring me a step closer to my endgame if I had a recognizable face. And it was an easy life. I'm not gonna lie. I did a lot of photo shoots, a lot of catwalks and fashion shows, and I met my fair share of men. A lot of them were out and proud, but I wasn't ready for it at all. I thought it would ruin my chances of getting into Hollywood. You know, the world was so different back then.
"I have been witness to some shady things, and like you, I didn't want to say anything, partly because they didn't involve me directly, but also because I thought if I did stand up, I would never get another job. So I kept my mouth shut, my head down, and I did what I was asked. And I did that for nearly five years before everyone forgot about me. They thought and told me I was getting too old, and no one would cast me anymore.
"From then on, I tried to pursue my original dream, but it wasn't happening. It was so hard to get an agent to notice me because I was a model, and they thought models couldn't act. No one took me seriously. Even though I'd started in drama school, I just wasn't what they were looking for. It took me a couple of years to bring myself up, and when I did, I auditioned forShow Me What You Got."
"Yes, I remember. I used to watch you on it." I smiled.
It was exciting to hear about Leo's life while we’d been apart. I’d tried to keep track of all that was happening with Leo’s life over the years, but it had been hard to tell the lies from the truth as was often the case with the media.
"You did? That's so embarrassing."
"Embarrassing? Why? You have an amazing voice," I said.
It was true. I’d be lying to myself if I didn't admit I’d had a few of Leo's tunes stuck in my head at one time or another.
"Thanks," Leo replied. "So you must know what came next. They put me together with these guys that had grown up together, and we went through to the finals, and then—"
"And then you won. I was so happy for you," I said.
It had happened during the time I was with Bryan, and I always taped the live shows on satellite to watch it after work.
Leo smiled. "I can't believe you used to watch me on the telly,” he said. When I grimaced, he chuckled. “Sorry, I lived in London for so long, I have picked a few new words. Well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't keep tabs on you."
"You did?"
"Of course. How could I not? Your face was everywhere. I think I’ve watched all your films out of spite and jealousy. But you're so fucking talented, I couldn’t even be mad at you. You deserved each and every role you got. Regardless of what that bastard put you through," Leo said, and it meant so much. "When you got cast as Detective Strong? I was so angry. He's one of my favorite superheroes. I used to watch all the animated stuff first thing every morning."
"Are you still angry?"
