Page 42 of Fresh Start
Thankfully, an agent asked to see me again, this time privately. Dawson was so apologetic, he decided to come with me for moral support. I was still upset with him, but he was still my boyfriend, and it wasn’t his fault I blanked out and everyone loved him.
But in my dream, Dawson never went into the agent’s office when I went to the restroom. He never talked with the agent and never took his offer. Instead, the agent picked me. And he flew me off to Hollywood, getting me cast in the biggest hits, and using me at night, demanding gratitude by force.
My dream skipped forward a few years, and by the time I was thirty, I was a washed-up actor who had no confidence in myself and whose career had gone down the drain, far too lost in drugs and alcohol to salvage.
I woke up breathless, and as my eyes adjusted to the dark, they streamed with tears from what I’d experienced, even if none of it had been true. Not for me, anyway.
After a few deep breaths and a trip to the bathroom, I lay down and watched Dawson sleep. The more I watched him, so beautiful and tranquil in his sleep, the less I hated him.
Not that I had ever truly hated him. I knew it was me who fucked up my lines all those years back. It wasn't Dawson's fault I’d blanked, and it wasn't Dawson's fault that no agent had been interested in me. And I couldn't really stay mad at Dawson for getting signed by the one agent that had also been interested in me. Not after everything he'd put Dawson through.
All the jealousy, the greed, and the regret dissipated.
By the time the sun came out, I’d drifted back to sleep, but awoke again when the sun rays caressed my face.
I jumped out of bed to shut the curtains, but it was too late. Dawson was already awake and rubbing his eyes.
"Good morning, handsome," I said.
"Good morning, beautiful," Dawson replied.
"Did you sleep well?"
"I had the best sleep in years."
I smiled. I liked hearing that.
"That's good," I said, crawling back into bed and reaching for a kiss. Dawson opened his mouth and let me kiss him with full passion, but I pulled away before I got a boner.
Besides, I didn't want to spend another day locked up in the room. I wanted to do things with Dawson, andtoDawson, outside. "Now get up and go have a shower. You stink of sex."
“You’re one to talk.” Dawson laughed but pulled the covers off himself. "I'll take a shower if you have one with me."
"I can live with that." I followed Dawson into the bathroom.
On the way there, I picked up my phone and tried again to make it work. It had been charging all day and night. There was no reason why it shouldn't work. Once inside the bathroom, Dawson closed the door and ran the water to a hot temperature. I made a last attempt, but it was futile. I’d have to get another phone and call Milo ASAP.
"Is everything okay?" Dawson asked and grabbed both my hands.
"I hope so. My agent called me and told me an important meeting has been pushed back a couple of days, so now I'm worried the producers have changed their mind."
Dawson pursed his lips and attempted a smile.
"I don't like pity smiles," I said.
"It's not a pity smile. But you sound like you're worrying about nothing," Dawson said. "There's only one way to find out, and that's to get to that meeting. There's no point worrying about something that hasn't happened, isn't likely to happen, and that is out of your control."
I wished I hadn’t said a thing. Dawson must think I was pathetic being so insecure. A man who had wowed the world with his songs but didn't have enough faith in himself.
"I know, but I can't help but worry," I said.
"Is this for a part?" Dawson asked, and I nodded. "Oh, it's going to be okay. There's lots of film opportunities."
"Yeah, that's what I keep saying to myself, but I'm not getting any younger. I'm almost forty. Maybe I should accept the fact that my dreams might never come true. But it’s so hard. My agent fought for months to get me that meeting and now…”
“Months?"
I nodded. "It's been months since the last meeting. My first audition was half a year ago. I just need my break, you know? I need this to be it because I don't know what else there is for me to do," I admitted.
