Page 63 of Your Only Fan
That seems to snap them out of it, and Freddy turns his intense stare to me.
“I’ve got questions,” Freddy says.
Of course he does. I didn’t expect any less from him.
“Shoot,” I tell him.
Freddy glances at Harry again before he opens his mouth. And he takes my hands in his again. I wince in anticipation.
“Are you stupid?” he asks.
“Huh?”
“Freddy! Be nice,” Harry says. “But also… yes, are you an idiot?”
I look at Harry and grimace. What are they talking about?
“Again, huh?”
“Do you know how difficult it is to have feelings for someone like you?” Freddy says.
“And being your teacher,” Harry adds.
There’s a pounding on my temples and the last thing I need right now is a headache.
“What?”
“Sweetheart! Not only are you this guy’s student which is a tricky situation—”
“To say the least,” Harry adds over his boyfriend.
“You’re also a freaking porn star. Even if he could get over the fact you’re his teacher, do you know what it’d feel like getting rejected by a. Porn. Star? You people are like gods to us. We love watching you, but do you think anyone can just come up to you guys and tell you how obsessed they are with you?”
Harry looks skeptical.
“Honey… that is not… the hardest part,” he says.
“What are you talking about?” Freddy asks him.
“Uhm… being your teacher was waywayharder. What areyoutalking about? Isaac could have lost his job. He could have lost his reputation. He could have been outcast by his peers.Thatis scary. Take it from someone who was crushing on his student for a long time. That shit can rip you up inside.
“It’s not like we can walk up to you and tell you, ‘Hey gorgeous, want to go out for dinner?’ The dangers outweigh any potential positives.”
Freddy lets go of my hand and raises an eyebrow.
“‘Hey gorgeous, want to go out for dinner?’Really Harry? Thank fuck I took advantage of you because I think the moment you said that to me, I’d be like ‘nope. Crush over.’”
A chuckle makes my chest shake, and releasing it also makes me lighter. Again.
I never thought of things from Isaac’s side. It doesn’t make up for his lies, but I can definitely see why he would feel the need to do so.
“You said you fell in love with Mr. X,” Harry says. “Do you still feel the same way? Even after everything?”
I stare at him, but I don’t really seehim. I see myself in his eyes. Myself and Isaac. The times we’ve spent in each other’s company. The times I’ve spentinsidehim. Around him.
“Yes,” I tell him. “I’m still in love with him.”
My heart changes beat when the words come out. Or maybe it’s my imagination. But it’s like it beats faster, harder. Like it could literally tear out of my chest.
“Then what the hell are you waiting for?” Freddy asks, his hand squeezing my shoulder, his smile widening.
“I-I don’t know.”
I shoot up and I’m at the door in the blink of an eye. Just before I close it behind me, I remember my manners.
“Thanks guys.”
I almost shut it behind me when I see my bags inside. I grab them both and run out of there.
And towards my future.
