Page 53 of Your Only Fan
Ezra
Istill have no idea what the hell happened last night. I don’t know what it was that put X off. One moment we were fine, on our way to the sweetest sex of our life, and the next he… he sounded wounded, hurt, and irritated.
I thought admitting my growing feelings for him would make him happier to be with me. Because even in the darkness of his bedroom, I could feel the smile on his face and hear the color in his voice.
And then it all fell apart.
Why?
What on Earth did I say?
Had I been right in my initial assessment that X was just in it for the sex and nothing more?
The way he’s been treating me all this time, you’d think we were in a relationship or something. Because other than the barrier the hood created, everything else was easy with him.
But maybe I’ve misinterpreted him and his intentions. Maybe that’s how he treats all his partners. Maybe he’s aromantic and all he wants is sex.
I check my inbox on the app again before I go into class, but there’s no response.
“I’m sorry if I did something to hurt you. Will you give me a chance to make up for it?”I sent him last night after I left his apartment.
But no answer. It doesn’t even show as read.
The torment of not knowing is killing me, and I wish I could fix it somehow, but short of ambushing him with a barrage of messages or showing up at his place and waiting for him to turn up, I don’t know what else to do.
Maybe he needs time, for whatever reason. Which means going to the cruise in two days. Because if he needs time, so do I, to clear my head.
I walk into World Theater and I come face to face with yet another heartache.
Isaac Rivera is a few feet away from me, straddling his bag in front of him like a shield and staring at me.
Then, as quickly as that happens, he pivots and turns his attention to his desk as the class files in.
Great. That’s what I need. As if being rejected by X isn’t enough, I need to experience how little I mean to my professor, too.
I take a deep breath and walk to the back of the class, to my usual spot. I try to focus my attention on something else, someone else, but my phone is not the usual escape and Rivera’s voice still manages to do things to me.
Things I thought I’d stop feeling once I realized I was falling for X.
I guess that’s not how hearts work.
I watch Rivera, and even though he sounds lost in his lecture—his passion—he doesn’t look his usual self.
Gone is the spring in his step, and that goofy smile he wears when he gets carried away is non-existent.
I wonder what happened to him. And why my heart can’t stop aching looking at him and knowing I can’t have him.
Is it because of X’s rejection that my insides decided to go back to obsessing over Rivera? Or would it have happened, anyway? Am I doomed to be in love with two guys that don’t want me for the rest of my life?
Okay, that’s a bit dramatic, surely, but not entirely inaccurate. I’m stuck at college until I graduate next year, so unless I find the one in my big, porny, gay cruise, I doubt it’ll get any easier being around Rivera.
Well, at least I don’t have to see X every day. Not that he can’t haunt me, either. His videos are still up on my YourFan page, getting new comments and likes all the time, and, of course, I keep getting more requests.
“Fuck my life,” I grumble under my breath and rub my face.
“I’m sorry?” Rivera says from the front, and the entire class turns to look at me.
Shit. Did I say that out loud?
