Page 43 of Your Only Fan
“Oh, I clicked with plenty,” I say.
Do his shoulders shag at that? Or am I imagining things?
“But having any sort of love life while doing porn is a tricky affair. You’ve got jealousy, resentment, competition… there are so many things.”
X puts his hands on his hips and huffs.
“Well, they’re stupid because I would give everything I have to be with you,” he says.
My heart jumps, but I try not to let it show. He’s sweet. And I want to kiss him. But…
“Well, you can,” I say. “If you… you know.”
“I know,” he replies, and his head drops again.
“You’re not ready. It’s fine. I understand. Besides…”
I pause.
Even if he was to reveal himself to me, I wouldn’t be able to get anything started with him. Not until…
“Besides?”
I glance up at his mouth, the only visible thing on his face, and bite my lip.
“Besides… it wouldn’t be fair on you. Not until I get over my crush,” I say.
His mouth twirls up and he lies back down again, his fingers returning to my chest.
“You’ve got a crush? On who?”
I wouldn’t usually tell one of my hookups, but by this point, X is more than just a hookup.
What harm could it do?
“On one of my teachers,” I say.
His body stills for a moment, his fingers stop tracing circles. Then he goes back to the motion as if nothing happened.
“Teachers, huh? Tell me, is he an old silver fox with a great booty?” he asks.
I laugh. “No, nothing like that. He’s a young, hot, Afro-Latino guy with the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen.”
“Oh,” is all he says.
“Yeah,” I reply. “So you see, until I get over him, I can’t commit to anyone. It wouldn’t be fair on them when I melt into a puddle every time I go to class.”
He hums an uh-huh, but nothing more.
“I know I need to get out of my head, but it’s impossible. I mean, if he wasn’t my teacher, I’d ask him out or something. But it’s against the rules. And I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know I exist, so… yeah. I’m pathetic. I know.”
“You-you’re not pathetic,” he’s quick to add. “Do-don’t say that.”
“Well, I am a little,” I chuckle.
X watches me for a few moments. The poor guy is probably put off by my boyish crush but is too ashamed to say anything.
“Food? Yes? No? I’m famished,” he says and rushes out of the room before I can answer.
Yep. Just as I thought. I’m sure this is the last time we hookup. Which is a shame because I’m so used to him it’s actually nice sleeping with him for a change. It’s more than a job. As is apparent by the fact I’ve even forgotten to record the close-ups of our session.
But, I guess, it was good while it lasted.
Good thing the cruise is starting next week so I can keep myself busy and not panic over the fact that the one good guy I’ve met in all these years of porn I scared away.
