Page 39 of Me Three
“What happens if the school finds out? And before you say it’s not against the rules, I know. But you can still get in trouble for being partial,” I say.
“That’s why we’re keeping it on the QT. I don’t want to make a big deal out of it before I know where this is going,” he says.
He’s looking right at me as if daring me to challenge him, but there’s also something else there behind his eyes.
As if he’s challenging metosomething, but I don’t know what, and I can’t think clearly to figure it out.
“You’re playing with fire.”
“Fuck it. Who cares. I’d rather play with fire than miss a chance at love,” he shouts at me again.
Why is he so angry? I should be the one who’s angry. I’m the one being sidelined. I’m the one who’s being pushed to the side.
“Are you trying to tell me you love them?” I ask, trying to sound normal and not like a deranged best friend.
“I don’t know, Carter,” he shouts. “I like them. How the fuck am I supposed to know if I can love them if I don’t get to know them? How am I supposed to ever find love if I push everyone aside after one night? Huh?”
I take a step back and grapple the dining chair, putting it in front of me. Like it’s going to protect me from whatever mess this is.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“What do you want it to mean?” he snaps back.
I don’t answer him. Instead, I look down at the fruit bowl and try to breathe. To think. To be rational.
“You know what, Carter? I’m sick of fighting with you. I’m sick of having a shouting match every day for nothing. For the same things over and over and over again. Just admit you like Tru and get it over with. Not everyone is out to break your heart,” he says.
I glare at them. If that’s the case, then why does it feel like that’s what’s happening right now?
“I don’t like them,” I say.
He walks over to me, his hand comes up to my cheek, and it makes me shiver.
“Do us all a favor and admit the truth. At least to yourself,” he says and walks away into his bedroom.
Is he right? Am I into Tru?
Sure, I’ve fantasized about our threeways every night. And that blowjob in class. It’s become my go-to jerk-off visual.
Yeah, I’m definitely into them. But do I like them?
Do I like those two-colored eyes that look like they can break down walls and end wars? Do I like the shape of their body and the way their touch makes me feel?
It doesn’t matter.
I’ve got rules, and I have them for a reason. I’m not going to shake everything up for one person. For one person who might not even like me, want me or, or want to like me, anyway.
It doesn’t mean Ev’s words don’t go in circles inside my head for the rest of the day and the night.
Yes, Ian did a number on my trust issues, but it was a conscious decision I’d made when I put my rules in place for myself.
It wasn’t just so that I don’t get hurt again. It was because I needed to get out of the loop of falling for anyone and everyone and ending up in pieces every time.
I’ve been in relationships since high school. I’ve never gone longer than a month without a guy. I’ve needed this break from relationships. To experience things. To try new things.
Has it been long enough?
Honestly, I don’t even know, but when I see Everett’s backpack by the front door and him all dressed up nice the next day, I get thisjealousbug.
