Page 59 of Me Three
“Well, we will be,” I tell them, and Tru nods in understanding, their smile dropping a few inches. “With you,” I add, because obviously, they didn’t catch my drift.
“Really?” they ask with a renewed smile.
“Yes. What kind of question is that?” Ev asks. “Anyway, got to go. I’ll try to get back A-SAP.”
“I don’t want to impose,” they say once Ev has left.
“Why would you be imposing?”
Their head drops, and their eyes get lost in their empty plate as if they’re trying to find the answer in there.
“What’s up with you, sweetheart? What’s all this about?” I ask them and turn their head to me.
“Oh, nothing,” they say. “I just know you guys have busy lives. I wouldn’t want to get in the way, especially after…”
They stop. They offer me an awkward smile and then their gaze wanders again.
“Especially after what?” I ask.
“Nothing.”
“Tru, sweetheart. Tell me.”
They let out a long breath and sit back on their chair. I put my elbows on the table and support my head with my hands waiting for them to open up.
“I know what you guys have gone through. About your ex. About Everett being in love with you all his life. You probably want to be together more. And I don’t want to get in the way,” they say staring at their plate again.
Their admission takes me a little by surprise. When I don’t say anything straight away, they glance at me, and I don’t know what it is. The color of their eyes, the sincerity of their face, the insecurity they give off, it makes me open up.
“I never thought I’d be with someone again. After Ian—that’s the bastard that cheated on me—I just gave up on love. Being in love with Everett all my life was painful enough. Burying it deepdeepdown so that I don’t get hurt. But putting my faith and trust on Ian and having it completely destroyed was the tip of the iceberg.”
“It sucks that you wasted so much time when you and Ev could have been together all along,” they say.
“Tell me about it,” I say. “But I don’t see it that way. You know why I never told him how I feel? Because I was insecure as fuck and didn’t want to lose my best friend. Stupid, right? Considering I lost him to Paris anyway? But when he came back, he literally became my rock. The only friend I had left, really. Because half of the ones that didn’t take Ian’s side I pushed away because I didn’t want to be betrayed by more people.”
“I can’t imagine what that must have been like.” Tru’s hand comes up to my shoulder and rubs it affectionately.
“It was tough. A very dark time for me. Which is why when we woke up in bed naked, I thought I screwed up yet another friendship. But Ev looked happy, and I definitely was because I’d just slept with my best friend who I’d been in love with since forever, so why wouldn’t I be? But I was still scared. Scared of losing him. Of confessing to him what I felt and him turning me down. So I suggested the friends with benefits thing instead. I thought it’s smarter than just ignoring how good sex was with him but safer than just spilling my guts about my feelings.”
“Yeah, I can see that,” they say.
“But here’s the thing. By doing that, I was hurting both of us. Especially with those fucking rules. No kissing, no pet names, no sleeping over—”
“No repeats.”
“It was all because I didn’t want myself to fall even more in love, grow even more attached. And the no repeats? Because I didn’t want to lose him to someone else,” I say.
It should feel hard talking about this, admitting it so openly, especially when I haven’t even told Everett some of this stuff.
But it’s not hard. It’s actually surprisingly easy to admit. It’s like I’ve had such a long time suppressing those thoughts and emotions that it’s cleansing letting it all out.
“You can’t. You won’t. He loves you so much,” Tru says, massaging my shoulder and turning his sad smile to a happy one.
“I know. I know now. And I love him so much, too,” I say. “But here’s why I’m not upset that we wasted so much time. It’s because I feel like we both needed to grow individually, to learn to be independent without relying on each other for everything, to experience the heartbreak and pick ourselves back up, dust ourselves off, and keep going. Because now, I feel like I can love him without fear. I can give myself fully to him, and he can give himself fully to me. We’ve been through it all, so nothing can come between us anymore.”
“That’s so sweet. You need to tell him that,” they drawl.
“He knows. In his heart. But do you know why I’m telling you this?”
