Page 41 of Beau Pair
Or what happens ifwedon’t work out and the girls have to pick sides? Different show, same shit.
“Ba-Beau, are you okay?” Gordon waves a hand in front of me, and I shake my head to focus my attention back into the room.
“How cute. You can call him baby, you know. No one’s going to be offended,” Dolly says behind him.
He ignores her and smiles at me.
“Where did you go?” he asks, taking my hands in his.
“Nowhere,” I answer before he’s even finished his sentence, and it makes him raise an eyebrow. “No, I-I was just thinking I need to call Mama Hadlee before she writes me off,” I say, and excuse myself.
It’s not entirely a lie. I call Mama every day, and yesterday, I forgot. I was busy having a dick in me. I don’t want her getting worried.
I go outside in the backyard and pull up her number.
“What? You are a big city boy now and you forget your mama?” she says as soon as she picks up.
“Nothing like that, Mama. I’m sorry I didn’t call yesterday,” I tell her.
“It’s okay, sweetpie. What’s his name?”
“Erm, what?” I ask.
So I don’t call her one day and she immediately assumes I’ve got a guy? She’s not wrong. Although I don’t haveanyone. We’re just screwing. Bumping uglies. Riding the bologna pony like Zoe said.
“Come on, sweetpie. I birthed you. I know you so well. You only forget your mama when there’s a guy,” she says.
“Excuse me, Mrs. Hadlee? What on earth are you talking about?”
I’m digressing. Obviously. But I gotta do something. I can’t just tell her. What will she think of me? What will she say?
Well, I know exactly what she’ll say.
“Did you forget you didn’t talk to your mama for three days when you were sleeping with that kid from Boston? Or how about not answering your phone on your birthday because you and Zoe went out to hookup?”
“Mama! Where did you learn that phrase?”
“Isn’t that what you kids say nowadays?”
“Still. Where did you learn that?”
I can’t believe my mama is talking slang. Especially the kind of slang she decided to throw into casual conversation.
“That’d be a Netflix influence, I suppose,” she says, and I’m now even more astounded than before.
“What do you mean Netflix? You can barely use your phone no matter how many times I’ve shown you, and you’re trying to tell me you’ve learned how to stream?”
“Stream? What stream? Don’t go talking gibberish now. And who said I can’t use my phone? I’m talking to you, aren’t I?” she says.
Have I gone into an alternate universe? Did riding Gordon’s dick transport me to another dimension? That must be it. There’s no other explanation for how weird my life has gone in a matter of hours.
I’m sleeping with my boss. Zoe and Dolly are a dream team, apparently. My mama knows how to do Netflix. And I hope that’s the only thing she can do, because imagining Mama Hadlee on a Netflix and Chill date is hurl-inducing.
What else? What next?
“Stop procrastinating, Beaumont. Who’s the guy? What’s his name? Where did you meet him? Is he from a good family?”
“Whoa-whoa-whoa, Mama. One question at a time. Please.”
