Page 73 of Exquisite Monster
“They’re still sleeping. Just came to get something to eat.”
“Take what you like.”
Some fruit sat in a bowl, and several loaves of fresh bread sat on one of the shelves. It was good enough for me. “What are you making?”
“Soup,” she said. “Sotai and Karadi flew to the mainland to gather more food than was available. They should be back shortly.”
I nodded and bit off a piece of bread.
Eryn tore the leaves off a small plant and added them to her pot. It smelled amazing. But she glanced at me, and there was a question in her eyes I couldn’t read.
“Do I have something on my face?”
She laughed softly. “No. I merely wondered if you had any ideas of what to do now?”
“How do you mean?”
A shrug. “As tempting as it is, none of us can simply remain here. You know what’s at stake. And the sooner we take action, the better. Where do you think we should start?”
“I’m not the best person to ask.”
“Of course you are. You’re at the center of it.”
I shook my head. “By accident. I know the ways and thoughts of human rulers because I was ruled by one and saw his actions firsthand. I know the intricacies of human politics since I had to navigatethem. I don’t know nearly enough about dragons or war to decide what we do from here.”
The pity on her face turned my stomach. “Think about it. Because I will not be the only person to ask. You are the Heirs’ mate. There are those who will look to you for guidance, no matter if you believe yourself capable or not.”
Finishing the food in front of me, I said nothing. I didn’t want to think about war or what to do next. I wanted to go upstairs and crawl back between my mates and think aboutnothingbut their bodies on mine.
Frustration and rage built under my skin. I hadn’t chosen this. I knew we needed to decide what happened next, but hadn’t we earnedsomerest? Even a day?
“I look forward to the soup,” I said before standing and leaving the kitchen before she could speak. It wasn’t Erryn’s fault she had questions. No doubt they all did. But if I stayed, I might say something she didn’t deserve.
Even after telling them everything, so much was built up that I’d pushed down and not faced. It had no outlet and never would, so I needed to lock it back up.
Lovely sunshine poured through the open windows, so I took myself outside. In my chest, I felt Endre wake. He panicked before he felt me close by and touched the bond between us. I sent comfort back, but kept walking. It didn’t matter where I was going.
I wandered away from the house, not knowing where I was headed but simply knowing I needed to beaway. The gnawing sensation in my chest that had been growing since the day Gleym made me fight her for the first time was like a festering wound.
We were free, and I didn’t know how to get rid of it. I had them back, and nothing was finished. It could all disappear again in one glimmer of a moment and itstillfelt like we didn’t have any choices. It was exhausting, infuriating, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it except let it pass through so I could pretend I didn’t feel it.
Things like this didn’t just go away.
Across the narrow strip of sea that separated the island from the mainland, a great canopy of trees was visible. There were fewer here, but as I walked, this patch of forest swallowed me up. It was larger than it seemed and made me feel like I was in the greater woods once the thickness of the foliage disguised everything else from view. Even the sound of the water seemed to cease. The whole world was a breathless hush, waiting for something.
Through the bond, I felt Sirrus and Zovai still sleeping peacefully, and I would never tire of it. But I didn’t know how to do this—feel this—and be near them. After being so afraid andstillbeing soafraid, I felt like it was a wall I couldn’t break through. They didn’t need to see it. After everything they?—
No. I wouldn’t be their burden.
“Is that really what you feel?” Endre’s voice broke the breathless quiet.
I hadn’t heard him approach, and my shoulders sagged. Not because I didn’t want to be near him; I did. But I needed to unleash something, and he couldn’t be here to witness it.
“Lena.” I felt his presence behind me and didn’t turn when his arms circled me. “There is nothing you could say or do that I wouldn’t want to witness. You are not a burden.”
All I could do was shake my head. There were too many words all gathering in my throat and choking me. Unable to come out.
He leaned his forehead against the back of my neck, inhaling me. Ifelthis relief at having me close, and so much fuckinglove. It shattered a sob out of me. “It’s not fair to you,” I finally managed. “You already have to feel it. I don’t want any of you to see me like this.”
