Page 101 of Exquisite Monster
“You can step back right now, right?”
I removed my hands and stepped back. “Yes, of course.”
Our bond tingled as he touched it. Coaxing me to trust him. I did, but I still didn’t see where this was going. “Now do it again. But this time, push as hard as you can. Put all your weight into it. I promise I won’t let you fall.”
“All right.” I followed the instructions, pressing and leaning until he was supporting me entirely.
Endre leaned an elbow on one of his knees. The way the blankets were casually strewn around his naked body made me wish we’dspent more time on the beach. He felt the direction of my thoughts and let his eyes slide to my bare legs.
We can go back to the beach any time you like, Princess, but our beds have less sand in them.
Sirrus snickered, and I realized Endre had spoken so all of us could hear him. “If you’ve actually gotten sand in the bed, I will blow it the hell out. The only thing worse than sand stuck to your skin is sand stuck between your scales.”
“Not that I would know much about that,” I said. “And speaking of our sand-filled adventures, I’m beginning to get hungry. Unless you plan to have me lean on your hands until eternity comes?”
All at once, Zovai moved his hands away from mine. With all my weight on them, I stumbled forward. He caught me just like he promised, but I would have hit the floorhardif he hadn’t. Blinking, I looked up at him. “What was that for?”
He righted me, making sure his hands were on me. Specifically the skinbeneathmy shirt. “That was the lesson,” he said. “You could easily step back from the first situation. If you’d focused, you could have stepped back from the second one too. It would be harder, but you could have done it. But,” he said, “you’d gotten used to it while we talked. By the end, you didn’t even remember you were leaning all your weight on me. So you didn’t see the fall coming even if you could have stopped it.”
The picture started to become clear in my mind.
Sirrus shifted one hand into a massive claw and back again. “There is a difference between choosing to do something, and beingunableto do something. Think of our ability to shift as leaning against a door that opens. Think of the Elders’ ability like leaning against a stone wall.”
“Oh.”
Leaning against a door that moved, you would be aware every moment that it could move, and you kept control in case it did. But leaning back against a stone wall, you had no reason to think it would ever move. So why would you bother being aware of it? Or preparing for it to crumble?
Endre nodded, feeling the puzzle resolving in my mind. “We thought they had chosen to stop shifting and allow their dragons to grow. It can be done, but it’s rare. I think I might know of one other dragon who has chosen the same. But they didn’t. And after centuries, they don’t even feel it anymore. So,” he smirked, “if and when Gleym releases that command, it will take them by surprise.”
I sat down next toVaríand soaked up the rays of sun, stroking a finger down his stomach as he slept. “What will happen?”
“That’s the real question,” Endre said. “I have no idea.”
My heart sank. “Then how does it help?”
“Because it’s a chance,” Zovai said. “Something we know that they don’t. Even if it’s as brief as a stumble, it could give us a moment.”
A full silence followed. I swallowed and pulled my knees up to my chest. “To kill them?”
Finally, Sirrus nodded. “Yes, princess.”
I still felt the blood of that soldier pouring over my hands. But it didn’t make my stomach turn or my soul cringe the way it had when I’d first taken the life. Gleym was right. There was no way to get out of this without killing. Even though I dreaded when it would happen again.
Andaros was right too, in his own way. He’d said they were turning me into a monster. True, but not quite. They weren’t turning me into one.
Every story of someone going to war on behalf of others. Of someone tearing apart a city to find someone they loved. Of self-sacrifice in the name of protection. Of unrelenting rage in the face of revenge.
We all became monsters for those we loved.
My mates had not turned me into a monster.
I had done that myself.
The moment I realized nothing else mattered but them. That I would sacrifice anything, including my own soul, to get them back.
Whether it had always been buried inside me or had been forged in the crucible I’d been thrown into, I might never know. It didn’t matter.
For the life of every human on this continent and every dragon chafing under commands they wanted to fight. For the hope of peace and a life on this tiny island with nothing but love. For justice after centuries of pain and tyranny.
