Page 95 of Exquisite Monster
His thumb rubbed back and forth gently on my neck, and he finally pulled me closer with his other hand on my hip, hot through the thin fabric of the nightgown. “This is the first time. But it didn’t feel like an ordinary dream. More like a nightmare.”
“Yes.”
Sirrus pulled a soft blanket from the bottom of the bed where it had been kicked away and forgotten, tucking me against his body before he covered us both with it. “Will you tell me?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said quietly. “It’s not real.”
“Your fear is very real, whether it’s a dream or not.”
The same resistance I felt with Endre pushed back on his words. It was just a dream. It shouldn’t matter. Shouldn’t affect me at all. And yet, last night Zovai showed me all of his feelings and fear, and I returned them. I could do no less with my other mates.
I pressed my face into his chest and fought the frustration. There was nothing I wanted more in the world than for all of us to be free of this pain.
A low purr began in Sirrus’s chest, all of me instinctively relaxing into the warmth of that sound. No bad dreams could reach me while I was in his arms. Not with that sound vibrating through me.
“Let me ask you something, Princess.”
I made a small sound but kept my eyes closed.
“Why do you believe you are not strong when your entire world has been turned upside down and you’re still standing?”
“I—” My voice cut off, like it refused to find the answer. “I don’t know.”
“We took you,” Sirrus said. “No matter if you view it as a rescue, we took you from your home. You believed you were going to die and faced that possibility with more grace than any of us would have. You were thrust into the world of dragons withus. Three dragon mates when you did not even know we had human forms.
“You were tricked and humiliated. Our kind tried to kill you more than once. And even after we made you ours, we could not keep you safe.” The emotion in those words struck low in my gut. “You’ve had to fight for your right to live since the moment we met you. I would be more surprised if you weren’t angry. Weren’t afraid.”
“Not everything was bad,” I whispered into his skin.
My moments with them. The beach. Our bonding. Them teaching me pleasure and taking me for the first time. Dancing with them before we knew what would happen. All of those were good memories.
“Thank the stars,” he murmured. “And I know all of us will keep those memories. But it doesn’t change the fact that you haveneededto fear and to fight. And I know you may not be able to believe it, but I will not let a moment like this pass without telling you that you are allowed to feel.” His arms tightened further, and I buried my face in the hollow of his throat. “You are allowed to let the pain hurt. Ignoring it only makes it worse.”
But I didn’twantto feel it.Becauseit hurt. I wanted to forget it. At this moment, if I could choose to stay on this little island forever and ignore everything, I would.
And if we did that, everyone I’d ever known would die. Helena. Taia. Baris. My father. Every innocent human merely trying to survive in a world that was dying because a crazed few wanted more power.
Even then, I was tempted.
“I do feel it. I spend every moment feeling it. Right now I don’t want to.”
I had spent the day brewing more potions from Gleym’s teaching to keep them fresh in my mind. And then practiced throwing the darts. Just because there was a reprieve did not mean I could be lax.
When Sirrus came to get me, I was exhausted and took the sleeping draught to quiet my busy mind. Now that I was awake with him, I did not want to sit in our pain. It was already taking too much from all of us.
I wanted something else. Sirrus had not taken me since we’d arrived on the island. I missed it. Missedhim.
The purr in Sirrus’s chest grew stronger as he felt the direction of my thoughts. “Is that what you need? For me to fuck you?”
I knew he felt my smile, and I pulled away to meet his gaze. “Perhaps.”
Now that I knew they did not care whether we were all together, I would not hesitate.
Sirrus cupped the back of my neck and pulled me upward, brushing my lips with his. Blooming heat grew beneath my skin, and I didn’t feel that hitching hesitation that I had to hold on so tightly. My night with Zovai allowed me to breathe, and all I felt was relief.
Our bond was a sultry smile, and Sirrus’s actual smile followed. “Would you like to know one of the things that kept me sane while held captive?”
“Maybe?”
