Page 89 of Exquisite Monster
“I want…” How did I express this? Zovai tilted his head, like he was listening to my thoughts through the mating bond. “Ever since the first time. The firstrealtime,” I said, “it’s been fast. Desperate. And I do love that.”
The past nights were the same. When he consumed me on the edge of the hot springs. When I tumbled with them into bed, falling asleep quickly after our climaxes. All four of us were still exhausted.
“But?” he asked.
“But I’d like to try slowly.” Something flared in my gut at the same time as Zovai’s eyes. Something rich and warm and deep.
Zovai grinned. “I have no problem devouring you slowly. One more question.” The words were accompanied by a kiss directly between my breasts, which made focusing on words that much harder.
“Just one?”
“Just one,” he murmured. “Would you like to lead?”
I felt that he didn’t have a preference. He would spread himself out for me to explore like an unfamiliar map or do the same to me. It made no difference. He just wantedme.
Though I did want to explore them, something held me back. Maybe it was the awareness of the risk we’d taken and how delicate everything was. Maybe it was that I was still tired and angry and frightened. Maybe I didn’t want to think about anything, but I just wanted to watch the stars and let him love me.
I said nothing. Zovai simply felt me decide and smiled. Risingup above me, he was nothing but a dark silhouette in the moonlight. Nothing but the glowing golden eyes of his beast. “You might not be painted gold anymore, but you’re still my treasure, mate.”
Delightful chills rose on my skin, and I breathed out the nerves and the worry, trying to forget everything outside of us and this moment. I sensed him smile, though I couldn’t see it.
Zovai lifted my wrist to his mouth. Then my palm. There was something intimate about being kissed there. So little attention was paid to your hands, and yet they were everything.
You touched me first with this hand, he spoke into my mind. Soft kisses down the inside of my arm. So slowly I nearly squirmed, eagerness and desperation flooding me in equal measure. Maybe slow wasn’t what I needed. Because what if something happened? What if?—
I can feel your fear, Zovai said. His mouth moved to my shoulder, brushing along my collarbone until he reached the crook of my neck where he’d bitten. “We have time. I swear it.”
A small gasp left me. He’d pinpointed the fear when I couldn’t. Going slow terrified me because we’d been torn apart, and I didn’t want it to happen again. I needed everythingnowbecause the deepest parts of me didn’t believe we’d have alater.
Drifting his hands down my ribs to my hips, Zovai wrapped his hands around my thighs and pulled them around his body. He settled his weight on me once more before kissing my lips. But he didn’t move further. Didn’t enter me or take me. Just stroked his hand over every piece of me he could reach.Slowly.
My hands found their way into his hair. I pulled him down to me, craving him closer even now while skin-on-skin.
Impossible.
That I was on an island on the edge of the world, bared to the stars, surrendering to my dragon mate.
If Helena had told me not even six moons ago that this would be my life, I would not have believed her. I still didn’t quite believe it. And if we didn’t?—
Zovai pushed into me with the same aching slowness, scattering my spiraling thoughts. Sliding his arms beneath me, I felt entirely surrounded by him. “I could go even more slowly,” he whispered. “Kiss every inch of your skin and make you fall apart on my tongue. And another time I will.”
“Why not now?”
One unhurried thrust of his hips, rocking deeper.
Like a veil dropping away, the truth poured into me. As it did in the moments where they opened their whole souls to me. The same fear and grief I felt, they did too. And Zovai wanted slowness. Notpurely for the sake of pleasure, but to be in the presence of his mate. To merge with me. To be inside me. To heal. Toexist.
Another rocking of his hips had me shaking my head. “You can’t make me cry at the same time you’re fucking me.”
He laughed softly, and suddenly his cheek was pressed to mine, a steady, gentle rhythm connecting our bodies.I do not mean to make you cry. It is never my goal to cause you pain, mate.
Pleasure seeped its way outward, my body heating in reaction to his. Inevitable, no matter the speed.
All I want is for you to know we are the same. We feel the same. Weyearnfor the same. It will take longer than a few days for us to heal from this.
He faltered, slowing to almost nothing and using his real voice. “I am so grateful for our bond because it told you we were alive, and the reverse. But I keep imagining what it must have been like for you. We claimed you, and then you were left entirely alone. A mating bond is the most precious thing in this world, and you were shattered because of it. Because ofus.
“I asked your forgiveness, but I did not say that I am sorry. I understand why you need this because I need it too. Every night I see you ripped from my arms again. My mind imagines you falling into nothing. And I do not know if I will ever forget—canever forget—your fear. I am sorry.”
