Page 75 of Exquisite Monster
He was suddenly in front of me, pulling me to him, and I sobbed into his chest. The pain in our bond was a mirror. He felt it just as deeply. Angry at everyone and everything, along with the bone-deep exhaustion of bearing a burden that was never meant to land on your shoulders.
“I’m sorry,” I hiccuped. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get to you faster. I’m sorry I’m the reason you were there at all. I’m sorry I’m your mate, because if I weren’t, then none of this would have happened.”
I was grateful for the bond because he knew that I didn’t mean the last bit. I was sorry, but there wasn’t regret there. I wouldn’t trade being their mate for anything. But that didn’t mean it didn’t cause them pain.
Endre held me tighter, not speaking until every bit of rage and pain in me was spent through tears. Ragged, tearing sobs. I couldn’t stop it—shame and rage and every other thing I’d been pushing down for what felt like a lifetime.
When I quieted, Endre moved, pulling back far enough to take my face in his hands. His thumbs brushed away some of the tears. “I will never be sorry you are our mate,” he said. “No matter what happens to me. I willneverbe sorry for it. But I understand why you say it, because I, too, am sorry for the things we’ve brought into your life.”
I shook my head, and he smiled sadly. “There are two sides to everything, Princess. We didn’t have a choice in what brought us to you. You didn’t have a choice in what brought you to that moment. And fallen fucking stars, I am so tired of not having the choices we deserve. I understand. I am tiredwith you.”
When he kissed my forehead, I closed my eyes.
“But I promise that this will end, one way or another. Whether that means the four of us find our eternity together in the stars or we can find a way to fix what’s broken in this world, it will end. And when it does, you’ll never have to have another choice forced on you. I promise,” he murmured. “I promise.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my face to his chest, the tears still coming, though calmer now. The rage I felt still slithered under my skin, and I knew one outburst wouldn’t change that. But it was better.
“What did they do?” I asked, my voice watery. “To force it out of you.”
Endre chuckled. “Usually took me to a training room and fought with me until I was too exhausted to feel anything else.”
The others were waking now, their bonds sharpening with worry as they felt mine. Shame washed through me against my will, and I pressed my face harder into Endre’s chest.
“No.” The command was soft but strong. “I understand why you’re angry. You have every fucking right. But I don’t want you to ever feel shame with us. There is no shame in experiencing what you feel.”
“I don’t want to feel any of it.”
“I know.” Slowly, he untangled us and took my hand, weaving our fingers together. “Will you let me show you the island?”
It was an offering. To be with me while I felt everything, and also show me a place that meant a lot to him. No judgment. No shame. Just us.
I nodded, and Endre kissed me long and slow before he guided me further into the trees.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
________
ZOVAI
“Ithink we need to send someone to Doro Eche,” I said, pulling on some trousers.
Sirrus still laid on the bed, and he dragged a hand over his face. “Why? To announce the fact that we’re no longer captives and have the means to move against the Elders?”
“No, to find out if they know.”
“Again, how?”
“Sotai,” I said. “They can disguise themselves and get in. Either that, or Idroal might know other dragons who would be willing to speak to either us or them.” The unease in my chest wouldn’t release. “We need to send someone.”
Sitting up, Sirrus looked at me. I couldn’t tell or feel what he was looking for, but eventually he nodded once. “If you want to send someone, speak to Idroal. There’s risk either way.”
At the very least, it was a distraction from the way my mate felt. Distraught and angry. Devastated. Everything she’d been hiding. After last night, I suspected as much. None of us would move on from this for a long time.
I didn’t bother shifting and flying, instead taking the stairs down the tower and releasing a sweep of power to find Idroal. They were on the far side of the compound.Are you free to speak?
I am.
Idroal lounged on a terrace that overlooked the low hill that led to the sea.Varíslept in their lap, curled into a little ball, scales a deep ruby red. I kept my voice mind-to-mind so I didn’t wake the little dragon.
