Page 7 of The Illuminated
“No, no, my child. Astral projection is for the living. It’s the projection of souls to higher planes of existence, but their consciousness never fully detaches from the physical form. It just travels, still connected by an unperceivable silver cord. The living are not equipped to receive the Akashic in its true totality. They receive bits and pieces, channeled through magick or intuition, to help them on their way. To visit the tangible Akashic Records before one’s time would be a grave cheat, and the Goddess would never allow such a perversion.”
“Then I don’t understand,” I lied, the words a desperate attempt to draw a line in the sand between me and inevitability. My heart raced and pounded in a way that was deafening.
Amos clutched my hands once more.
“To travel to the Akashic Records you need to die.”
Chapter3
“There has to be a different path,” I said, pacing back and forth as Amos just patiently sat on his cushion. “I—I promised Daelon a future,” I choked out, pushing past the growing lump in my throat. I couldn’t do this to him. “And if I died to receive this truth, then how would I bring it back to the others? How would I fulfill my ultimate purpose of freeing witches from bondage and returning all conquered lands? Or destroying Lucius and his narcissistic castle of aristocracy, for fuck’s sake? What was the point of hiding all of this power and knowledge inside of me if I was just going to die anyway?” I let my ramble of unanswerable questions tumble out like a roaring stream.
None of it made any sense. I was on this trajectory, led by the witches who’d gone before me—this path to deliverance that I knew would be hard and lonely and impossible, but in the end it would’ve been worth it. I would avenge my mothers’ deaths and all other tragedies by Lucius’s hands. And Daelon and I could live in our parents’ home, where we would rebuild our lost people’s communities and traditions. How was any of that going to happen if I was dead?
“All we know now is that you must go to the Akashic Records to learn the truth that was hidden and shatter the King’s binding spell, and you must die to do so. That’s agoodthing. Because it means that there are still so many unknowns, so much room for possibilities.”
I clenched my fists, my power mirroring my emotional intensity and volatility. Only Amos could try to give a positive spin to an objectively horrible twist of fate.
“Before you arrived, all Daelon and I knew was that you were in the human realm but needed here in the castle, and it was his duty to protect you and bring you here. And look at us now! The progress that has been made, the connections and friends we never knew existed until they presented themselves to us. Who knows what events and bits of knowledge will come to us next, at the exact minute they are needed most?”
“No,” I snapped, something fierce taking control of my body as I struggled to reign in my impulses. The wind outside began to bear down on Amos’s windows, creating a deafening din of creaks and whistles.
“I’m so sick of waiting around, never receiving a clear picture or a whole truth. Of relying only on blind hope andfaith. None of it even makes sense anymore. Lucius grows stronger as the natural magick of the world dims, and as he plots to change me into some kind of magickal battery, I’m told that my next step is todie. If all of these slaughtered witches really wanted me to save the world, then they could’ve just written some bloody step-by-step instructions,” I said, my voice now strong and biting. The faint Irish accent had already taken over, which meant my anger had reached cosmic proportions.
“Haven’t they?” Amos tried, watching me with a look of fascination and whimsy that only angered me further. “There’s a reason why the Akashic is closed off to mortals. If we knew all of the answers all of the time, we wouldn’t truly be living, would we? We are here, in the lower realms, for a purpose. To live is to be without true clarity, if only for a short time. You have all of eternity to bask in Eternal Truth, but to live there already means forsakinglife, in all its mystery and splendor, confusion and pain…”
Oh, I wasso not in the mood for this shit.I needed release. I needed to close my eyes and start this whole horrible day over at the beginning. I stopped my pacing and lost myself in the waves of power, letting the magick take over all other parts of me. I couldn’t deny it any longer. None of Daelon’s grounding exercises could save me now.
So I let go.
The first sound that hit me was a horrible clatter as furniture shifted and rattled, the earth itself trembling beneath us. The second was the clash of a thousand windows shattering as if by an explosion. The two behind Amos blasted outwards, and through their gaping voids, I could see that the windows across the gardens on the other side of the castle were blown out too, the chiming of glass shards ringing in a cacophony of lyrical destruction as they fell to the earth below. The third sound was the rushing of waves, quiet at first in the stillness of my aftermath, and then roaring, thunderous, and undeniable. The sound built and built, and soon I found myself dropping back down to the floor, clutching my hands over my ears…
I took in a loud gasp of breath as I swayed back and forth against a weightless gravity. A lapping wave spit my body out onto wet, grainy sand, and I turned my head to choke out a mouthful of salt water. The sky above was clear and blue, the breeze a warm, summery feel across my skin. My astral skin? It was hard to tell the difference between the astrals and wherever I went inside my mind to commune with the Universe’s natural power reserves, and at this point, I couldn’t be bothered to figure out which it was.
I was quick to stand, my fists clenched at my sides. “Seriously? Why am I here?” I screamed to no one.
I spun around, realizing this was a much different beach than that of my homeland. Trees that didn’t exist on Earth towered on the horizon, appearing like giant palms with purplish fruit and blooming white flowers. The water here was an electric blue, the sand near-white. The sun was bright and endless.
I kicked at the sand, self-aware enough to realize I was behaving like a petulant toddler in a temper tantrum and yet unable to quell the waves of anger and intensity that continued to channel through me.
“I can’t do this!” I screamed, spinning around and waving my hands wildly like I was trying to track down a rescue plane. “I don’twantto do this. The world is crumbling, and you’ve asked me to die—to betray the one person who’s done more for this cosmic mission than anyone else. Do you even know how much this will crush him? His entire purpose is literally to prevent me from dying! Just like his parents, you’ve asked me to leave him in that horrible place all alone, unable to save me.” Of course Daelon could never know the truth about how to travel to the Akashic Records. He would do everything in his power to thwart me.
I let out a heart-wrenching, horrible wail of a sound, a wave of power shooting across the horizon like a sound blast. It blew all of the trees backwards, their mighty trunks bracing against my assault. Strange, brightly colored birds squawked and fled, struggling against the currents of wind. I should’ve stopped there. I should’ve crumpled to my knees and felt the pain that reached toward me, beckoning me to the waves.
This isn’t you, sweetheart,I heard Momma Jane whisper.
Come back to the water. Let’s talk,Momma Celeste tried next.
A hot tear escaped my eye, and I brushed it away violently. “No. I won’t let you wash this away. I deserve to feel this anger. I’m tired of feeling weak, with only blind hope to light my way.”
I refused the comfort and reassurance my deep wells of power had once offered, nestled in the expanse of the ocean’s currents. I refused the voices of my mothers from the great beyond, still unsure if it was really them or merely a manifestation of the love and guidance they’d left behind.
Instead, I willed myself back to the physical. I’d seen and heard enough.
When I opened my eyes, Amos was watching me intently, his fingers steepled at his lips. “I take it my words of wisdom provided you little comfort?”
I shook my head. “I’m—sorry about your windows. I’ll see you again soon,” I mumbled before hurrying out of the room. I was soaring on my power high, unwilling to come back down to earth anytime soon. I would stay here, above everyone and everything where nothing could touch me.
The hallways were bright and sparkling with a cascade of light from the hovering chandeliers, which spun and danced as I walked underneath.
