Page 87 of Things I Wish I Said
“Say mercy.”
“Never!”
Keeping his weight off me, he straddles me while I writhe and try to get away from him. “Come on, Sinclair. Concede.”
I shake my head, kicking out my legs, unable to control my limbs when he moves to my neck, then back to my underarms again. Shrieking, I hold out another couple of minutes until I can’t catch my breath. It’s physically not possible. Any longer and I won’t be able to breathe.
“I. Can’t. Breathe,” I gasp.
Grayson’s eyes widen and he jumps off me like I’m on fire.
Panting, I lay there motionless, sucking in wind and releasing a torrent of coughs until I roll onto my back and meet Grayson’s stormy gaze.
He plants his hands on either side of my head, caging me in, his breathing shallow as he stares down at me. “Shit, Sinclair. I’m sorry.”
Energy snaps between us, sharp and thick. I’d be pissed at myself for ruining his jovial mood if it weren’t for his arms boxing me in.
I still can’t breathe, but it’s no longer because he’s tickling me.
My gaze drifts down to his mouth, those full pouty lips I’ve only revisited in my dreams, and I wonder what he’d do if I leaned up and closed the gap, if I crushed my mouth to his.
As if he can read my thoughts, his eyes heat, the blue darkening against the gray like a restless ocean.
My heart threatens to beat out of my chest as I part my lips, watching as his pupils dilate.
Kiss me.
Seconds pass with nothing but the sound of our breath between us before he shakes his head, as if clearing his thoughts, then sits back on his haunches.
I want to both cry in relief and scream in frustration at the same time.
I know I shouldn’t want him. I shouldn’t want anyone when I don’t know what my future looks like, but just because Ishouldn’t doesn’t mean I don’t. You can’t stop the heart from wanting when it has a mind of its own.
Each day Grayson’s been here, we’ve watched movies, played cards, and binged television shows. We even got through the first three seasons ofVampire Diaries, which he’s never seen before, much to my horror. Just last night, he stayed for dinner when his game got rained out, and each and every time he comes over, it gets easier to pretend. We both grow a little more comfortable. Mom grows a little more comfortable. I can tell by the way she doesn’t bother changing out of her clay-splattered work clothes—aka her old pajamas—when he’s around.
And all the while, we’re joking and playful, laughing and touching and talking. He can hold my hand or hold my legs over his lap on the couch, but the one thing he can’t apparently do is kiss me again, and heaven knows he’s had plenty of opportunity. For as much as we’ve been around my mother, we’ve also been alone, yet we haven’t even so much as talked about what happened at Kip’s. Any time the party comes up in conversation, both of us just dance around it. And it’s driving me fucking mad. Literally.
I rise from my spot on the bed and stomp over to the speaker on top of my dresser, flicking it on before I slide my phone from my pocket and choose my spiteful playlist. With a smirk, I wait as the first notes of “Since You’ve Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson blast into the room.
I’m being unfair, I know I am. This thing between us isn’t real. I’m well aware of how completely amazing Grayson is, andat one time I might have been in his league, but I’m not fooling myself enough to know his league is light years away from mine now.
But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to at least acknowledge the kiss.
Did he think it was awful? A mistake? I’m dying to know why he left just after it happened.
Add that to the fact that I had my scans on Monday, and I’m a giant ball of nerves, overwrought with anxiety. In a few days, we’ll know if the chemo helped, or if all of this was for nothing.
Annoyed with myself, I take a spot at the end of my bed and glance back at him.
I need to get my mind off this and on to something else.
“So, tell me about George Mason,” I say.
“What about it?” he asks, picking at a loose thread on my bedspread.
“Why there? What do you like about it?”
“Who says I like anything about it?”
