Page 132 of Things I Wish I Said
It’s like it never happened, like I didn’t just witness John on bended knee merely minutes ago.
“Celebrating anything in particular?”
“No.” John smiles, the gesture warm, kind. “Just thought it was a beautiful night to take all my girls out. We’ll pick Katie up on the way.”
All his girls.
I take a step back, my stomach roiling. The thought of food makes me want to barf. “Uh, actually, I don’t feel so well. I think I might pass, if it’s okay.”
Mom’s smile fades. She reaches out. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m good. I just . . . I think I had too much ice cream. Rain check?”
John nods, trying to hide the disappointment in his eyes as I turn and head for my bedroom.
The stairs nearly kill me. My labored breath combined with my rising emotion make breathing a chore.
Panting, I shut the door behind me and make a beeline for my bed, sinking down on the edge and placing my face in my hands.I tell myself to breathe while trying to make sense of what the hell just happened.
Mom and John got engaged, but they’re hiding it from me.
“I know we said we’d wait . . .”
I already had my suspicions after talking with Katie that they’d broached the subject of marriage. Now I know.
But what would they be waiting for?
The realization hits me like a ton of bricks, heavy and every bit as hard.
I want to deny it, but all the evidence is tough to ignore.
My cancer has spread, and though Mom’s pushing me to do the trial, she knows that even if I agree, it’s a long shot. My odds of getting worse are better than the odds of me surviving, but I know my mom well enough to know she’ll cling to hope until the day I die.
Which means she’s waiting for me.
Chapter thirty
RYLEIGH
I spend the betterpart of the night wide awake, vacillating between coughing my brains out and staring at the ceiling, mostly imagining what Mom’s life would be like without me in it.
No more debt.
No more cancer treatments, doctors’ appointments, or hospital visits.
No more anxiety.
She’ll bury me, and though she’ll be grieving, John will help her pick up the pieces.
And Katie . . .
She already loves Katie, but once she and John marry, they’ll live together—become a family—and Katie will be her daughter. Someone she can go shopping with and get mani-pedis with. She can dote on her and help her pick out a homecoming dress. Give her advice and dry her eyes after her first breakup. Be all the things I never was because I was so obsessed with soccer.
My heart thuds.
One day, Mom might even help plan her wedding.
Maybe Mom and John will have a baby.
