Page 155 of Things I Wish I Said
“So, what are you doing now?” Cory, the quarterback, addresses Ryleigh. “Are you going the college route or did you get an offer somewhere?”
Ryleigh’s smile wavers so subtly I doubt anyone would notice unless they were looking for it. “I had offers to a lot of schools and some interest professionally.”
“I bet.” Amanda grins. “Were you fully funded?” she asks, chattering a mile a minute. “I bet you were. Softball rarely is, but I’m happy with my partial ride, especially since it’s Division One. We can’t all have a penis and our asses wiped like Cory over here.” She rolls her eyes, earning a chuckle from her date.
“Hey, I can’t help it that men’s sports, football in particular, are far superior.” Cory grins, while I roll my eyes.
Normally, I’d reply with some smart-ass comment, but I’m too busy watching Ryleigh, weighing her response when Amanda scoffs and says, “Whatever. I don’t see you with the national title.”
“Touché, but I can lick my wounds after I go to school, then get drafted.”
“So, Ryleigh, who are you playing for in the fall?” Amanda asks. “I thought I heard Stanford was ranked first in women’s NCAA soccer?”
Ry clears her throat. “No, it’s Florida State this year.” She shifts in her chair, uncertainty ghosting through her expression as she meets my eyes. “But I, uh, I’m not going there.”
“Oh. Where are you going?”
“Nowhere, actually.”
I hold my breath, reaching beneath the table to place my hand on her thigh, letting her know I’m here.
“Nowhere?” Cory blinks at her like he’s misheard. “So, you’re going pro?”
I feel Ryleigh stiffen beside me, watch as all of the confidence and pride from moments before vanishes before my eyes when she says, “No. I, um, found out I have lung cancer.” She straightens her shoulders as if to wade into the storm of their questions. “I’ve been fighting it for more than six months. I missed my U-19 season and had to drop my commitment to Florida.”
Amanda gapes. “Oh, wow . . . I’m, I’m so sorry.”
“Shit. That sucks,” Corry blurts, and the table falls silent.
“Well, maybe once you recover, Florida State or another school will still take you. I mean, with your track record, they’d be crazy not to, right?” Amanda offers with a kind smile.
“Uh, I don’t think so. They had to take half my lung, and I’m super weak from treatments. Even if I did fully recover and train, it would take forever to get me back to where I used to be, and honestly, I probably won’t be the same again.”
Amanda, who doesn’t seem to know when to quit, nods. “Are your treatments going well, at least?”
Ryleigh stares at her for a long time while I fight with myself on whether or not to intervene, ultimately choosing not to, knowing she’ll be pissed if I do. I can tell by the flush in her cheeks she’s already embarrassed. Needing her boyfriend to answer for her will only make that worse.
“No,” she finally answers. “No, they’re not. My cancer has spread, actually.”
You can hear a pin drop. Our table falls so silent, every inhalation is like a bomb.
What feels like hours later, Cory turns to James, another state title holder beside him, and strikes up a conversation while Amanda tries and fails to change the subject.
I’m expecting it when Ryleigh turns to me and says she’s ready to leave.
Every muscle in my body sighs in relief as we say good night and rise from the table. My body aches to hold her as I take her hand and lead her from the banquet room.
On the way to the elevators, she’s quiet. Her eyes are trained straight ahead, staring unseeingly in the distance, her mouth a thin line.
The doors swing open, and we step inside. I swipe the key card and hit the button for our floor before I turn to her and cup her face in my hands, beckoning her to meet my eyes. “Are you okay?” I ask her.
She tries for a smile but fails. It doesn’t crinkle the corners of her eyes or light up her face. Instead, it falls flat, much like her tone when she says, “Of course.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
A beat of silence passes as I watch something I can’t read flicker in her hazel eyes.
“No.” She exhales, and her whole body melts as she leans into me, wrapping her arms around my waist and fisting her hands in my shirt. “No, I don’t.”
