Page 60 of Raziel
“You don’t get to do this,” I growled, my face inches from hers. I could smell the ocean on her skin. “You don’t get to crawl under my skin, make me… make me lose my goddamn mind, and then go play house with a nobody who doesn’t know what you are.”
“What I am?” she spat, struggling against my hold. “What am I, Raziel? Tell me! Since you seem to know me so well.”
“You’re mine.”
The words were out before I could stop them. A confession ripped from a place I kept locked down tight. “You pushed. You wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone. You made me look at you. You made me want. Well, you got what you wanted. You’re mine. And I don’t share.”
She laughed, a sharp, brittle sound. “Yours? You don’t own me. You have a fiancée. You dismissed me, remember? You’re the one who walked away!”
“I was trying to protect you!” The roar tore from my throat, startling us both. “From them. From this! From me! From what I’ll do to keep you.”
Her struggles stilled. Her breath hitched. “What does that mean?”
“It means Matteo needs to find a new hospital to work at,” I said, my voice dropping to a deadly calm. “Maybe in another state. One where he can’t ever bump into you again.”
She frowned. “Leave him alone. I don’t even like him like that. You won’t do anything to him anyway. He’s your beloved cousin.”
“Try me.”
“And what about me?” she whispered, her defiance finally cracking, revealing the fear beneath. “You going to threaten me, too?”
My gaze dropped to her mouth. I wanted to bite it. I wanted to devour it. I wanted to bruise it. I wanted to drag my teeth across that bottom lip until she tasted blood. I wanted to kiss her until she forgot her own name, until the only thing she could taste was me.
The conflict was a war inside my skull. Indifference. Control. Duty.
I wasn’t used to needing. Not like this. Lust, sure. Feeling this possessive, never. I wasn’t used to this sick, crawling ache behind my ribs that got worse when she looked away too long. That was new.
What was she doing to me?
Now everything was disordered. My logic was static. I was making new rules for myself. I was unraveling from the inside, watching myself do it, and still letting her pull at my threads.
“The threat to you is different, Maya.” I leaned closer, my voice a dark promise. “The threat to you is that I’m not letting go. You taunted me. You teased me. You made me jealous. You wanted me? You got me. We’re in this now. You got me. The real me. You don’t get to quit because I hurt your feelings. You don’t get to run to some safe, simple man when I’m too much for you. You asked for this. You begged for it.”
“I didn’t beg for you to humiliate me!” Tears welled in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. “I didn’t beg for silence! For five days of nothing! You made me feel small!”
“You think I wasn’t going crazy not calling you?” The words were a harsh whisper. “You think I didn’t have my phone in my hand a hundred times? You think I didn’t almost break my own fucking rules and drive over here in the middle of the night just to see if your light was on?”
She stared at me, her chest rising and falling rapidly. “Then why didn’t you?”
“Because Alessia’s father was in town.” I shoved away from thewall, turning my back on her, running a hand over my head. I couldn’t look at her. “You are a weakness. I couldn’t let him find out about you, that you matter. Because if he knew, you’d be a target. He loses if I’m not engaged to Alessia. He doesn’t like to lose. And I’ve put myself into a position where I can’t do anything about it but what I’m doing now.”
“Convenient excuses. You’ve been telling me from the beginning that you don’t even like me. I’m just starting to listen.”
I wanted to yell. I turned back to her, the full force of my frustration and self-loathing finally boiling over. “What do you want from me, Maya? Huh? You want me to call you my girlfriend? You want me to take you to the grave to meet my mother? You want a future? I don’t have one to give right now. The only thing I can give you is right now. This. Me. I need patience. I need time. I let you meet my father. Doesn’t that mean something?”
The silence that followed was heavier than any shout. The sun was properly up now, casting long, beams of light across the room.
She looked smaller suddenly. Breakable.
“Get out, Raziel,” she said, her voice hollow. Empty.
“I’m not leaving,” I said, low.
Her fists clenched at her sides, her whole body vibrating with fury.
“Then I will.”
She spun toward the door.
