Page 84 of The Love Ambush
A raccoon that’s closer than the rest, probably the one that came flying at us, bares its teeth and hisses.
“Okay, not so cute.” I tug on Levi’s shirt and pull him back with me at a faster pace.
“They could be rabid,” he says, all calmness. “We don’t want to trigger their predator instincts.”
“Predator instincts? They’re raccoons, not velociraptors.”
Except that particularly aggressive raccoon is moving with us, like he’s following to make sure we leave.
My stomach growls in frustration, but I’m definitely not fighting those raccoons for leftover pizza and...” Oh, no, they’ve got the chocolate. We have to get it.” That chocolate looked delicious and expensive. I didn’t even get one taste.
“I’ll buy you more,” he says, voice tense. “We’re not risking rabies tonight.”
“Right,” I say. “That’s logical.” But I’m disappointed. Tonight has been hell. I could really use that sugar high.
“Guess I’m buying your brother a new blanket, too,” Levi says with a sigh as we get back into the SUV. I can still see the beady eyes of the raccoon staring at us from the darkness.
“I’ll do it,” I say. “You’re already doing enough. I’ll buy more food containers for Jo, too.”
He doesn’t say a word, and I hate this quiet between us. I hate that I put it here.
“You saved my life back there,” I say. “Thank you.”
He laughs, and something in me eases. “We were fine. They were more interested in the food than in us.”
“Uh-huh. I could tell by how that one raccoon followed us all the way back to the car.”
“It wasn’t going to hurt us.”
“Just take the thank you, Levi. Those things were hissing at us, and your first instinct was to put yourself between me and them. It means a lot to me.”
“It was seriously nothing.” He grips the steering wheel so tight his knuckles whiten, his gaze focused intently on the road.
“You didn’t seem scared,” I say. “Have you encountered raccoons like that before?”
“No, but they’re just animals. The worst they could do is bite us, and we’d have to get a rabies shot.”
“Which is freaking scary. Didn’t you say you’re always planning for the worst? You were so calm back there, and I thought…” I realize, probably too late, that what I’m thinking is probably not something I should say aloud.
“That I’m afraid of everything?”
Shit. “Um, well, yeah?”
He chuckles. “My fear is all about the future. It’s anticipatory. In the moment I’m strangely calm most of the time. Though, getting arrested scared the shit out of me.”
“You seemed totally calm.” I was the one freaking out. “What were you afraid of?”
“That it would scare you away,” he says. “Which it did, didn’t it?”
Oh, that simultaneously warms me and makes me feel awful. I’d been hoping to have this discussion in the morning, whenwe’re both clearheaded, but I can’t ignore his question. "I’m sorry, Levi. If my life were different…”
He stares straight ahead, so still and silent that the motion of his throat working as he swallows seems monumental. “But you have the kids to think about. I get it, Gentry, but I promise I won’t do anything that’ll get you arrested again.”
“It’s not you I’m worried about.” That moment of panic, when I thought I’d have an arrest record and would lose the kids, is still so fresh in my memory that my body tightens around the fear like it’s trying to keep me safe. “I’m worried about me. I’m the one who pushed for sex in Brodie’s car. You were being sensible, and I didn’t listen. When I’m with you, I forget to think about anyone but you and what I want to do with you. I can’t allow myself to be that person.”
“I won’t let you, Gentry. I care about the kids, too.”
I know he does, and I want so badly to trust he’ll be able to keep me from screwing up like this again. “I just need to focus on what’s best for Emily and Sophie right now, Levi. I’m sorry.”
