Page 10 of Suleem and Yahzi
“Aight, come here.”
I grinned and shook my head. “You can hear me from where I am.”
There already wasn’t much space between us. There was absolutely no reason for me to get any closer or this conversation wasn’t going to happen.
He lifted his arm and gave me his eyes. “Yah, bring your ass.”
I crawled toward him and climbed over his thick frame until I was straddling his body. I made sure to position myself far enough up so I was on his abs. I was grateful when he kept his hands to himself.
“Talk,” he mumbled but I didn’t have his eyes because they were still guarded by his arm.
“Why do you want me here?”
“Because your ass was never supposed to leave.”
“Did you really expect me to stay?”
“Nah, I didn’t. I respected your decision to step, Yah. I didn’t like that shit, it fucking ruined me, but I understood why you had to go.”
“So why are we here then? Nothing’s changed.”
“You really believe I don’t care enough about you to let you keep your distance from me knowing I was going to put you back in the same bullshit.”
“That’s what this is, isn’t it? Us back in the same bullshit.” I moved my fingers over the DP tatted on his neck and he grabbed my hand, linked his fingers with mine, and kissed the back of them.
“DP is my family. I’m in this shit for life but things aren’t like they used to be. I get it now.”
“Get what?”
“That even if I don’t place value on my life I have to place value on yours.”
He didn’t care if he died. The letters inked on his skin were an affirmation that his world revolved around the streets.
“Your life has value.”
“I’m not saying it doesn’t, only that I’ve had you. If I died tomorrow I’ve experienced the best I’ll ever have but you deserve to have it all. I didn’t understand that shit back then. I was just a reckless ass nigga moving selfishly.”
“And you’re not now?”
He smiled sexily. “I’m still reckless. That shit will never change but I’m wise enough to know not to let you end up in the middle of my bad decisions. You still love me?”
His eyes turned serious when they locked on mine.
We didn’t lie to each other but it wouldn’t matter anyway. This man could read me better than anyone. He knew all my secrets, even if I only had a handful of his, so I nodded.
“Yeah, I do. You still love me?”
“I don’t know how not to.” He lifted our linked hands and kissed my fingers again. “I know I fucked up back then. I should have been more careful when it came to how I moved so my world protected yours instead of putting you in the line of fire. I get it now. If you forgive me for what I cost us, then I promise to do right by you this time.”
What he cost us…
Our baby.
“That wasn’t your fault,” I said quietly. Weak moments surfaced where I blamed him. The doctors didn’t have any real explanation other than miscarriages happened. There wasn’t one thing they could single out but the fact that I lost our baby after the stress of everything that happened that night made both of us believe that was the reason.
One thing I accepted was God had bigger plans. There were no guarantees that Suleem would have slowed down back then, even knowing we were bringing a new life into the world. He wasn’t ready even if I thought I was.
“You don’t know that it wasn’t, and it’s on me, so I’m taking that to the grave as my biggest regret. I can’t replace what I took from us but trust and believe I can give you enough to make it not hurt so much. You just have to let me back in.”
