Page 33 of Finders Keep Her
I don't regret last night. It was everything and more that I could have hoped for when it came to losing my virginity. It was worth the wait, and I chose the right man. Ronan knew how to touch me, to get my body to respond in ways only he can get it to. He's freaking better at it than I am.
I wipe my cheek when I feel a tear escape, knowing what I'm going to do next. "I love you," I whisper to Ronan, needing to say those words to him before I slowly creep from the bed.
It takes me no time to quickly get dressed. With each movement I can feel the ache between my thighs from our lovemaking last night. Ronan had even woken me up again for another round.
Neither of us had said a word. It was entirely made of soft touches as he worshipped my body. The man knows how to make me feel sexy. That's for sure. To Ronan, I’m not just the geeky girl behind the computer screen. The way he looks at me, touches me, and so many more things make me feel like a goddess.
I don't have to pack a bag or anything. I always keep one ready and in the truck. It's how I've lived most of my life. I can fit everything I require into a single bag. That's how you're able to keep moving when you need to. You train yourself, and it becomes normal and routine.
I don't think it's going to be so easy anymore. Not now that I know what it's like to be with a person you love and that loves you. Only a little over a week has passed, and I've grown accustomed to Ronan taking care of me.
I'll have to start washing my own hair. I smile at that. Damn, I'm going to miss him. I stare back at my bedroom window before I force myself to get into the truck. I keep it together until I hit the main road. Then I allow myself to burst into tears. It takes all my strength not to turn around and return to Ronan. But I know this is for the best.
I have to do this now. I'm already in so deep with him that it's ripping me apart inside. He makes me want things that I can never have. He even has me wanting babies. My hand goes to my stomach. That isn't an option for me.
Not with Cyberius still searching for me, and fuck, it's hard to look away when people are doing shit and not react. I'm always getting myself into trouble. It's why I'm better off alone. I'm only putting myself at risk then.
When I make it to the city, I ditch the truck in a parking lot before taking off on foot. In an attempt to blend in and avoid detection, I pull down my ball cap and don sunglasses. I walk for a bit before I find a coffee shop. It’s the only thing that is open this early in the morning.
I go to the bathroom first, pulling the sunglasses off to see my swollen eyes. I don't think I've cried this much since I lost my mom. Damn, I look like hell. I take a deep breath, not wanting to cry in the middle of the coffee shop. That will only draw attention.
I need to sit down and write a message to Ronan and tell him that I’m sorry and thank him for all he’s done for me. He’s going to be livid. I’ve seen him pissed before a few times, but never at me. I get a sick sensation in my stomach thinking about him being mad at me. That’s a new one. I don’t typically care if I piss people off.
I wish I could call Tova and talk to her about all of this, but I don’t want to draw attention to her either, and she’ll tell me to go back to Ronan. Hell, she’ll be excited that there even is a Ronan and me. I’m not sure how Cosima will take it. It’s her brother, after all.
“Crap,” I mutter. Isn’t there a rule to not sleep with your friend’s brother? Then, to top it off, I ditched him like a one-night stand. I cringe. That’s awful. How am I always fucking everything up?
I don't want to upset Cosima. She's all preggers. Again, my hand goes to my stomach. I really can't get this baby thing out of my head. A small part of me hopes I do get pregnant. Then I have no choice but to, shit, I don't know. Try and get my life together? I'm thinking the odds are low. Cosima got pregnant her first time, so I think that makes my odds go down. It can't happen to everyone.
Keeping my cap on, I put my sunglasses into my bag before stepping out of the bathroom. I go to the counter to order a drink so they don't kick me out for taking up a table. I should eat too, but I don't think my stomach can handle it right now.
I'm sure Ronan is now awake, and if I were there, he'd be getting me breakfast that I would complain about having to eat before the morning run. I won’t be missing those runs, except for the ones where Ronan would chase me.
Damn, that had been a thrill. A part of me had wanted him to catch me and then punish me. Instead, he said all the sweetest things to me. The ache in my chest starts to throb. My memories of him are going to be bittersweet. This is for the best, I remind myself again. I have a feeling I’m going to be doing that a lot.
“What can I get you?” the barista says, way too chipper for this early in the morning.
“Just a coffee,” I tell her. It will be more for show than anything.
“Lots of cream and sugar, and some egg bites as well.” Every part of my body lights up at the sound of Ronan’s deep, rich voice. It has to be a hallucination. I don't move; hell, I barely breathe.
“Anything else?” she asks as Ronan's hand comes down on my hip. I can feel his body heat against me.
“Toss in a chocolate croissant. Doesn’t that sound good, my little fox?” I only nod my head. I haven't turned around to face him, but his tone is so casual.
The barista hands us a number to place on our table. Ronan grabs it before I can, then slips my bag off my shoulder, taking it too. Finally, with no choice, I turn to face him.
“Hi?” It comes out sounding like a question. Why is he smirking down at me? Ronan is an expert at hiding his expressions, so I know he wants me to see the smirk. I'll take it. It's better than him being pissed.
“Hi.” He slips my hat off my head before leaning down and pressing a kiss to my lips. "Let's grab a table." Ronan takes my hand, leading me to one in the corner. He pulls a chair out for me, and I drop down into it.
"You're here."
"Where else would I be?" He takes the chair across from me, his back to the wall.
"In bed?"
"There's no point staying in bed if you're not in it." The barista brings over the food and coffee. Neither of us speaks until she's gone. "Eat."
