Page 129 of Hyperspeed
“A sense of belonging is so much more than love,” she replied, cupping my cheek. “What you have with Kai is beautiful.”
“But he left me, Grandma,” I croaked. “I can’t let him do that again.”
“What did he say to you,va’tari?” She asked, brushing a tear from my cheek with her thumb.
My mind reeled back to the moment everything fell apart.
To Kai, furious and afraid, lashing out with words that had carved into me like a blade.
“If it means watching you come that close to dying . . . I don’t know if I can do it.”
“He said . . .” I began, my voice fragile. “He said he couldn’t handle me.”
“I didn’t mean it, Rev . . . that I couldn’t handle you.”
Kai on my doorstep, night after night, with flowers and dumb stuffed animals whose awful puns still lived rent free in my brain . . .
“I can’t bear to be without you.”
“I’m not lion when I say you’re my everything.”
“I’m pawsitively yours.”
Kai,calling my name in desperation. Still hoping I’d turn back, even after I’d already walked away.
“I was just . . . terrified. So fucking scared of losing you.”
Oh my god.
“And now I think I’ve lost you anyway.”
My breath caught, and I felt the world shift under me.
I was so engrossed in my hurt I didn’t notice the truth staring me in the face.
Kai had been scared—scared of losing me—and I’d mistaken that fear for rejection.
He hadn’t walked away. I had.
And through it all, despite how much I pushed him away, he’d never stopped hoping I’d come back. He kept choosingme. And maybe . . . just maybe . . . that meant I was someone worth choosing after all.
“Oh, fuck.” I sprang up from the couch, turning to the woman who’d just turned my world upside down. “Grandma—”
“I’ll handle your parents,” she interrupted, a knowing smile tugging at her lips. “Go get your boy, Revvak.”
“Thanks, Grandma.”
I moved to the door, fingers already stretching toward the handle.
“Oh, andva’tari?” I paused and glanced back.
Her smile had turned wicked. A grin that promised trouble.
“You tell that boy, if he ever hurts you again, I’ll cut off his balls and cook them in that stew he loves so much.”
“Uh. Okay. I’ll . . . pass that along.”
I made a mental note never to cross her. Ever.
