Page 127 of Hyperspeed
Strolling down the busy streets, locked in my head, it was the perfect opportunity for me to process what had happened. To think about what was going to change.
And to wallow in what I missed.
Kai was the first person I wanted to call, even before my family. I wanted to celebrate with him. I wanted to share my happiness, to let him see it and feel it with me.
In my mind, he would be so excited that he would come straight to my apartment. He would hold me in his arms and tell me how proud he was, how glad he was that it had happened. Then he would kiss me breathless and take me to bed, where we would celebrate each other until we passed out, tangled and smiling.
But I hadn’t spoken to him in weeks, still set on avoiding him.
So I didn’t call.
I told myself it made more sense to share the news with my family first. They were the ones I should celebrate with, not Kai.
Grandma was in the apartment alone, my parents using their afternoon off work to go grocery shopping.
Seeing me, freshly washed and out in the wild, surprised her. I’d just settled on the couch when she shoved a bowl of noodles in my face and pecked me on the cheek.
“You’re looking skinny,va’tari.” She tutted, sitting down beside me. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed the amount of food still in your freezer.”
“Sorry, Grandma,” I mumbled through a mouthful of food.
It was the first time in weeks that food had flavour, that it wasn’t just a lump of mush in my mouth. After today’s success, the noodles tasted like heaven, and it wasn’t long before the bowl was empty.
Grandma took it from me with a smirk, coming back with a second portion. And because I was ravenous, I devoured that too, before settling back in my seat with a smile.
“Why are you in such a good mood?” Grandma plucked a crochet hook from her pocket and reached behind the sofa for a ball of yarn.
The sight made my chest hurt.
When Kai had started coming over, Grandma had taught him how to crochet. He’d taken to it like a duck to water, and every week, they’d sit and work together, chatting about everything and nothing. Grandma had given him his very own hook and a bag of yarn, and an unfinished scarf was stuffed down the side of my couch.
I couldn’t bring myself to bin it, because every time I saw it poking out from between the cushions it reminded me of him.
Kai hadn’t cared when I’d teased him about his new hobby. He’d just insisted it made his fingers nimbler, which apparently could help him on the track.
“Everything’s changing for the better, Grandma.”
Her fingers stilled. “What do you mean?”
I told her everything, recounting the meeting and explaining the changes that were coming for the Iskari. She was crying by the time I’d finished, and we clung to each other on the couch. She even called my parents, telling them to drop whatever they were doing and come home right away.
But not before they picked up the ingredients forluzari’eth.
It was a day of celebration, after all.
“I’m so proud of you,va’tari,” she whispered, brushing loose hairs behind my ear. I leaned into the touch, loving the comforting feel of her familiar hands. “But something’s still bothering you, isn’t it?”
I sighed, because Grandma was right, and I hated it.
On the surface, I had everything I wanted. A loving family, my dream career, and a hopeful future.
I should’ve been happy.
And I was.
Despite that, I felt incomplete.
“You miss Kai.”
