Page 59 of The Crush
“What do you mean by that?” I follow him back toward the pasture gate. “You haven’t put anything on me.”
“Really? Look where you are right now.”
“You think this is my first time in a cattle field at night?”
“You know that’s not what I mean.”
“Spell it out for me anyway.”
“I mean…” He stops, turning to face me before he says, “Isabel, you’re here when you should be at home.”
My arms wrap around my stomach, an overwhelming feeling of sadness settling over me. “Do you not want me here?”
“This isn’t about what I want. I don’t…” He takes another anxious look around. “Let’s get back to the house, okay?”
Forty-Four
Daniel
Let’s get back to the house, okay?
That’s what I’d said.Please let me get you to a place that doesn’t make me want to throw you over my shoulder and carry you outis what I’d meant. To a place where I could finally get my thoughts to stop racing, where we could talk while I wasn’t still listening for any sound that shouldn’t be there.
Unfortunately, by the time we get home, talking is the last thing Isabel seems to want to do. At least, not to me.
“I’m going to, um, clean up,” she says as soon as we walk through the front door. Practically the first words she’s spoken since that field, but I don’t have time for a reply before she disappears into the bathroom and shuts the door.
Not sure if I should follow or give her space, I wander first toward the kitchen, drawn to the light and to the sound of my dad finishing up dinner while the radio plays in the background. He looks up from the stove when he hears me come in, pausing before dropping a rolled tortilla into a pan of oil. One look is all he apparently needs.
He lets out a low whistle, shaking his head before returning to his flautas. “What did you do?”
“Why do you think—”
“Mijo, I had nearly thirty years with your mamá, and while I would never say that it was enough time, it was plenty to get myself in trouble on occasion.” He drops the last rolled tortilla in and turns to look at me. “You also have had the same ‘I’m guilty’ face since you were two. So what happened?
I roll my eyes, but move to lean against the counter behind him. “I don’t think I said the right thing earlier.” I think of Isabel’s face on the ride back. “Pretty sure.”
“Well if you’re not completely sure what you did, you could always ask,” he says, turning his eyes back to the stove. “Because I can guarantee, shedoesknow.”
My dad is removing the last of the flautas out of the frying pan right as I’m deciding to put myself in it, leaving the majority on a covered plate on the counter while he takes his to go out to the barn office.
Smart man.
I pause outside the door, the reversal of our positions in Austin not lost on me as I knock softly when I hear the bath water shut off. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah,” answers a quiet voice from inside.
Relieved, I crack the door open, barely wide enough for me to slip in and shut it behind me before I face her. “Hey,” I murmur, walking over to sit on the floor beside the tub, and my fingers are already aching to touch the droplets covering her skin, the hair falling in wet ropes down her back. Instead, I keep my hands to myself and my eyes on hers as I say, “I’m sorry.”
“Me too,” she mutters. Her breathing hitches on a deep inhale, confirming for me that the water on her face isn’t just from thebath. “I didn’t realize at first why you were upset, and then when I did, I pushed you to talk to me about it.”
I shake my head. “Don’t be sorry about that. I know you’re only trying to help.” I lean against the side of the tub, frustrated with myself. And tired.Sofucking tired. “I just don’t want you to have to deal with it. I don’t want any of that stuff near you.”
“It’s part of you though,” she replies softly, reaching to place a warm hand on my arm. “It’s part of your life. I don’t think it’s something you can shut away.”
I put my head in my hands, my elbows bracing against my knees. “I know.”
There’s silence again, nothing but the steadydrip, drip, dripof the tap into the water as I place my hand over hers where it still rests on my forearm.
