Page 38 of The Crush
That statement and everything it implied had filled the entirety of my ride back, scenarios passing through my mind as quickly as the telephone poles outside my bus window.
It’s not as if I hadn’t considered it before. I’m not so far gone that I hadn’t contemplated the consequences of my actions. However, the one I’d been primarily focused on is what I would do once Daniel decided to turn away for something else. Forsomeoneelse. Not a matter ofifbut ofwhen.
Still, didn’t mean that I hadn’t been hoping for a different ending. How could I not? And now that he was asking me if I wanted the chance at more…
The truth is, I already know my answer, but the longer the bus ride stretched, the longer I’d had to think about what it would mean to have my long-held secret out in the open, to come clean to our families and brace for the fallout.
I should sew a scarlet letter for myself now. And Daniel? He already had more attention than he wanted. More to cope with…
What happened last night? Why won’t he tell me?
A sharp kick to my shin makes me yelp and I turn toward the dining chair next to me as I snap, “Gabe, what thehell—”
My brother glances furtively in our mother’s direction, and I realize only then that the discussion at the table has stalled, waiting for an answer to a question meant for me.
“Sorry,” I mutter, facing her along with several other pairs of expectant eyes. “What did you say?”
My mother purses her lips with disapproval while spooning another helping of roasted potatoes onto Aarón’s plate. “I asked if you went out after I talked to you yesterday.”
“Oh. Yes, we did,” I say before quickly tacking on, “I mean, myfriendsand I did.”
Beside me, I think I see Gabe roll his eyes as he stares at his plate, and I resist the urge to kick him back.
“Well,” my mother prompts, “where did you go?”
“We went to an Italian place. And earlier we did some shopping.”
“Good, good,” she says, seemingly satisfied although my father is still frowning. “What did you get? You picked out a new dress for church? You can show me after dinner.”
“Sure, I…” My throat dries up when I’m only able to remember the clothing I purchased that is decidedly not church appropriate. “Actually, I was kind of hoping to turn in early.” I yawn to emphasize my point. “Busy weekend.”
“Sounds like it,” Aarón chimes in from across the table. “And then to take the bus on top of all that. Shame we weren’t able to carpool.”
“Yeah, I’d just already bought my ticket, and my friend’s parents offered to take us to mass so…” At least this lie tumbles out easily after so many times repeated. “Didn’t want to hold you up.”
Aarón leans back in his seat next to Eli and shrugs. “Ihadplanned to leave pretty early, but I actually ended up staying in town for longer.”
“Really?” I try to only sound mildly interested as my fingers twist together in my lap. “Why was that?”
“Made some appointments with some suppliers from the expo.” Truly, it’s astonishing how much self-importance he manages to cram into that sentence. “Had a few things that I felt needed looking into, so the timing probably could’ve worked out.”
“I see.” Beside me, Gabe has gone still, no longer scarfing down another helping faster than he can get it onto his plate. “Well, you really didn’t need to worry about it. I was fine.”
“Sure.” Aarón smiles again, that syrupy smooth grin. “But what kind of big brother would I be if I didn’t try to look out for my hermanita?”
“Very thoughtful of you,” our mother tells him, reaching over to pat his hand like he offered to heal the sick.
“You kids will have to plan better next time,” our father interjects from the opposite end of the table. “Really would have been safer for you than that bus, muñequita.”
“The bus was fi—”
“It would have been,” Aarón agrees. “And you know, if we’dreallythought ahead, we could’ve even had Daniel ride with us.”
Gabe’s hand covers mine under the table, gripping tight, as if he knows I have a sudden urge to bolt.
“Yes, that would have been so nice,” my mother says. “It’s important that you try to include him when you can. Good for him to know he has people.”
“I did my best,” Aarón claims. “Actually, I bumped into him at the expo on Saturday. Asked if he wanted to go get a drink with me after but…kind of seemed like he already had plans.”
