Page 83 of Poetry By Dead Men
"I really have to go, Beth. Okay? But I’ll call you in a few weeks. I promise. I love you. Please believe that," Bobby says, and his voice is so sad it confuses me even more. The phone clicks, and then he’s gone.
I’m in absolute, utter shock.
He has a ring. Isawit. I touched it and held it and stared at the little infinity sign etched into the back.
What happened?My heart fully shatters as I collapse into bed, crying until my pillow is soaked and my head throbs. Each inhale is a struggle, my body shaking as I search each memory for answers. Our entire relationship runs through my mind. Every single moment.
We never fought.
We didn't disagree on the important things in life.
We both want children.
We're in love. I know that as sure as I know that tides rise and fall in the ocean.
"No," I say out loud as I stand up. If he thinks I'm going to let him end things without a face-to-face conversation, then Bobby doesn’t know me at all. I'm not going to torture myself, wondering what went wrong as I wait for him to call me in a few weeks. I’ll go insane, waiting and hoping it’s him every time my phone vibrates. “No,” I repeat, wiping my nose.
I grab my keys and walk on shaky legs to the car, tears flowing freely down my face. It'd be useless to try to stop them. The whole way to the parking lot, people stare at me, but I don’t care.
Ihaveto see Bobby.
I have to talk to him.
I crank the ignition and pull out my phone. Molly answers on the third ring, but when she says "Hello," I can’t speak, afraid that opening my mouth will let all my emotions fly out of my chest and I will truly fall apart, and that will be it.
"What’s wrong?" Molly asks. "What happened?"
"Bobby broke up with me," I finally say. I was right. As soon as I speak, I'm hysterical, unable to catch my breath to the point I have to pull the car over on the side of the highway to make sure I don’t crash.
"What?" Molly gasps. “I don’t believe you.”
I wish I didn’t believe me either.
"He told me it’s just a break, that his tour is too intense, and he needs some time to be able to focus on it. But I know what that means." I don’t know how Molly understands me through my shuddering breaths, but she does.
"There has to be something going on," she says. "Bobby’s so in love with you. He would do anything for you. Absolutely anything."
"I don’t know what else it could be. He said he wanted a break and got off the phone. He said he’d call me in a few weeks." I lay my head against the steering wheel, hoping the cool leather can ease the headache wrapping like a band around my forehead.
"Are youkiddingme? He expects you to just sit on this for a few weeks?" I hear a car door slam, and I know she's on her way to my dorm.
"Go back inside. I’m driving to talk to him now. He has a show in New Haven."
Molly takes a long breath, and I know she's trying to calm herself down. "What do you need? What can I do?"
I wish I'd thought to bring her with me. That I had pulled up to her house and asked her to drive me, or to just be there while I figured out what to do.
"I don’t know. I guess I’ll call you after I talk to him," I say, parroting her deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself down.
"I love you," she says. "I'll have my phone all night."
"I love you, too." My voice cracks as I hang up the phone and take several more steadying breaths, slow and deep, until I’m able to drive again.
I need to get to him. I need to understand what’s going on. To look him in his eyes and see what could possibly have caused him to make that earth-shattering phone call.
I hardly remember the drive. It feels as if I blinked, and now I'm rushing up to his bus door.
When I try the handle, it's locked, but if I know Bobby at all, he’s here. He doesn’t go out after shows. Hasn’t for as long as I’ve known him. Pulling out my phone, I look at the time. If anything, he's already showered and in bed.
