Page 34 of Poetry By Dead Men
And suddenly I know it
I’m falling in love, me a dreamer, with a poet
—An excerpt from "Dreamers and Poets," written and performed by Robert Beckett
I’m not home for an hour before there’s banging at my door.
My parents are in Paris. Or maybe it's Spain. It’s hard to remember where they are when they seem to be somewhere different every week, but regardless, it’s just me here. I freeze in fear. I can’t remember if I locked the door, even though Ialwayslock it without fail. I’m almost overly conscious of safety, of securing the deadbolt and double checking the oven after I finish using it to make sure it’s turned off. But in the chaos of tonight, I can’t remember.
Closing my eyes, I walk through exactly what I did when I got home. I got to the front door, unlocked it, and came inside. I remember leaning down to pet Scout, our Scottish Terrier. But I can’t recall turning the lock.
The banging gets even louder, and I scramble for my phone. I turned it off on the cab ride home after speaking with my parents, not wantingto listen to Bobby’s excuses when he remembered that he left me alone at the concert venue.
Now, I regret it. It feels like time wasted.
What if I need to call the police before it fully powers back on? I creep down the stairs, trying to peek through the small window next to my front door without being seen, but it’s so dark outside I can’t make anything out.
The door handle wiggles, and I stumble, my hair standing on end.
“Beth!” I hear my name, and I exhale, almost dizzy from relief.
Not a burglar then. Just theso-calledfriend I’m trying to avoid.
I scramble down the stairs, flipping on the porch light and yanking open the front door before he can wake up the entire neighborhood. The relief on his face is instant, and he pulls me into a bone-crushing hug, his arms enveloping me so completely that I’m cocooned in his warmth.
“Oh, thank God,” he says, pulling back to look at me. “What the hell happened? You were justgone, and I couldn’t get a hold of you. I was so worried that—” he pauses. “Have you been crying?” His thumbs rub the swollen skin beneath my eyes, and I pull away, once again uncomfortable with his scrutiny.
He wasn’t supposed to come here.
Notnowat least.
Not during the designated hours I was taught it was suitable to cry—at night, when no one was around to see it.
It’s an invasion of my privacy, but guilt gnaws at my belly. I should’ve known he’d worry at some point—once he remembered that I’d been there and he left me alone.
“I should’ve told you I was leaving. I’m sorry,” I say, sniffling as I cross my arms, ignoring his question about crying.
“What happened? I called Noah and—”
“You didwhat?” I groan, covering my face with my hands. “No. Why? How did you even get his phone number?”
“I asked Molly to send it to me. He said he left before my set started. I didn’t evenrealize—”
“You shouldn’t have called him,” I scold. My stomach flips as I think about what Noah might have told him. That he had a headache and needed to go home? Or that he could tell I was in love with Bobby, and so he left?
“I can’t believe he just left you there alone. I told him to stay away from you, that you deserved better, and that I’d kill him if I ever saw him again. I mean, you were on a date! And he seriously just left—”
“Hedidn’t leave me there!Youdid!” I shout, unable to take it anymore.
“What?” Bobby freezes, his eyes blinking rapidly as if he was just completely blindsided by my accusation. He shakes his head, the movement almost frantic. “What are you talking about? I was meeting with the label executive.”
“Right. And then you were alone in your dressing room with that girl, Kelly.” I fold my arms around myself. “Which is fine. You’re allowed to be with whoever you want.”
Bobby opens his mouth to speak, but I can’t seem to stop talking.
“But maybe don’t chooseher,” I continue. “She’s not even nice. She's rude to me at every show. And she just follows you around like some groupie. It's gross, and you can do better."
“Kelly?" He says her name like he's describing a disease. "Are you upset because I was helpingKellyget a cab?"
