Page 81 of Poetry By Dead Men
“Not for me. But if people think you were fooling around with your lawyer's fiancée, it might make your fans question your character.” I rub my forehead. “Maybe I should go.”
Bobby takes a sudden step forward. “Don't,” he says, his voice sounding like he’s begging on his knees rather than standing tall in front of me. “Don't go, Beth. I don’t care what people think.” Bobby opens his arms wide. “Let them think whatever they want. I. Don’t. Care.” His eyes flick away for a second as he takes a tense breath. When they meet mine again, there’s a steady resolve there that wasn’t before.
He holds my stare, his shoulders straightening as if he’s made a decision. “I only care what you think of me. That’s it. Only you.”
I swallow, my pulse racing. It feels like we’re creeping toward something with no way to slow down—the moment before the rollercoaster tips downward and begins its unstoppable race forward—but do I even want to stop it?
Bobby rubs the back of his neck. “Look, I know you just got out of a relationship. I'm not going to pressure you in any way. We don’t have to be anything other than friends. But don’t go, Beth.” He takes the smallest step forward, but the weight of his yearning crashes into me as if he’d closed the distance and pressed his body against mine. “You know how I feel about you. I don’t care about a rumor. None of it matters. Hell, I’d give all this up if it could make you trust me again. All I care about isyou.”
Bobby's chin is high, but there's a vulnerability in his open arms that makes me want to fold myself inside them and stay there forever. To tell him I care about him, too. That I always have, even when I hated him.
But I don't. I sit down, flipping through my manuscript until I come to the last page, the point in the story I never continued, because that’s when everything fell apart. I trail my fingers along the paper, my heart thrumming against my ribs.
What do you want Beth?His voice from six years ago circles through my mind.
I don’t even have to consider my answer.
Iwantto stay.
Walking away from Bobby now would be like ripping a piece of my heart out and leaving it behind with him. Because he’s not the only one who could never fully let go of the other. I might have pushed it down, denied it, and completely avoided it, but it was always there.
Bobby was the love of my life. Even if he shattered my heart. Even if we didn’t get our happily ever after because of what happened that night.
The night Bobby swears isn't what I think.
When my eyes meet his again, they’re full of questions. Of sorrow and hope and anger and more emotions than I would’ve thought one person could feel at the same time. But they’re all there, unmistakable in the deep blue of his irises.
Iwantto stay.
Iwantto forgive Bobby and maybe find a way to move forward. But first, Ineedto know the whole story. Every painful detail.
“I think…” I swallow, forcing myself to meet Bobby’s eyes, anxiety swirling in my stomach.Be brave,I tell myself, swallowing. “I think maybe it's time to have that talk now.”
Bobby’s throat bobs, and he nods, his fists clenching. “I think so, too,” he says.
Coffee forgotten, he sits down next to me, our thighs touching, and it sends a shockwave all the way to my toes.
He grabs my hand and squeezes, but I can feel his fingers trembling around mine, and it comforts me to know he’s as nervous as I am.
“I know what you think happened that night six years ago. But I didn’t at first. Not until a couple weeks later."
My heart kicks up in rhythm, thumping against my ribs. "Kelsey didn’t tell you I showed up at your bus?"
He shakes his head. "I had no idea. If I’d known, I would’ve come and found you, explained everything right away."
I take a deep, steadying breath. "I’m not sure there was much to explain. I know you’d broken up with me, but you didn’t even wait a day to be with someone else. I saw her with my own eyes."
"I know you did, but that’s where your version of the night starts to fall apart." Bobby runs a hand across his scruff. “Kelsey might’ve been on my bus that night, butIwasn’t."
THEN
November 2018
Will you forgive me someday, Little Bird
For what I had to do?
Or will you hate me for eternity
