Page 53 of Poetry By Dead Men
"And youactuallythink you can handle that? You think you can let the love of your life walk away a second time and go marry some rich prick who doesn’t respect her?”
I wince at his directness.
"I know you better than that. This is going to wreck you." Johnny’s voice is strained.
There's a long, loaded silence. I wait for Bobby to deny it, to argue that he doesn't love me. That he was fine after we broke up, but it never comes.
"It’sBeth," Johnny says, as if my name is all the explanation he needs to convince Bobby that it’s crazy and irresponsible to have me here.
Finally, Bobby speaks. He's no longer shouting, but the anger is still there, vibrating within his words. "I learned my lesson six years ago. It’s not my job to make decisions for her. She’s a grown woman, and she can do what she wants. Now if you'll excuse me, I just played a three-hour show, and I haven’t exactly been sleeping well. I'm going to go before I say something I regret. Come by the bus later if you feel like minding your own business."
My throat is dry, and my stomach is in knots. Had Bobby really felt that way when I left? How could that be possible, when he’s the one who ended things?
The back door slams, and I exhale as I creep toward the bus, but stop short when Johnny walks around the corner. He doesn’t see me at first, and his face is red. He looks pissed, his hair messy as if he’s been running his hands through it repeatedly. His eyes pop open wide when he sees me, and at least he has the decency to look sheepish.
"Oh, hey there Bethy." He shuffles his feet. "Did you uh…" he hesitates, and I know what he’s asking.Did you hear what I just said? Did you hear me telling my best friend that having you around is a ridiculous, horrible idea?
"Hey!" I force a big smile despite the pit in my stomach and lump in my throat. "I was just catching up with Marissa. She's as feisty as ever, right?" I laugh, but it doesn't sound convincing. Johnny doesn't seem to notice, and he visibly relaxes.
"That's an understatement. I think she’s only gotten feistier. Anyway, Bobby just left. I’m going to call and check in on Ella," he says, and the sudden sparkle in his eye reminds me he's not a bad guy, and he doesn’t hate me. He loves hard, and he's worried about his friend. I can't fault him for that, even if my feelings have been put in a blender and turned on high.
"Have a nice chat with her," I say, turning to leave. "Great job tonight, by the way."
He nods in thanks and gives me a small wave before he turns and leaves, and once again I’m overwhelmed by the possibility that what I think happened that night six years ago might not be the entire truth. The pit in my stomach grows into a massive cave.
It’s a conversation I’m going to have to have with Bobby.
But not tonight.
A few more days, and I’ll be ready, I tell myself. But if I'm being honest, I don’t think that’s true. I don’t think I will ever, in a million years, be ready to learn if it’s my fault that I lost Bobby Beckett.
THEN
August 2017
When my words fall short, yours soar among the stars
When my hopes feel distant, I just go where you are
And what I thought I wanted, it just doesn’t feel so new
Because when the lights rise, darling, well… all I see is you
I may be a dreamer and have nothing to show it
But I’m falling in love
Yes I’m falling in love
I’m falling in love with a poet
—An excerpt from "Dreamers and Poets," written and performed by Robert Beckett
My body is still buzzing with excitement as I sit on the bus waiting for Bobby to get through his meet and greet. Tonight was the last show of Bobby’s tour—at least, the last one I’m going to be able to go to for a while since classes start Wednesday.
It was incredible, one of his best yet. Over the last month and a half, he’s honed his performance into a perfectly choreographed thirty minutes, but even so, I never get bored with it. And clearly the fans don’t either.
Bobby’s initial contract was for the first twenty shows of the tour, but it’s been extended for him to finish out the rest of the dates as well, andhe’s even been booked for some late-night television performances in the upcoming weeks. Between starting classes, getting into the swing of college life, and Bobby’s hectic schedule, it’s going to be a bit before we can spend time together again.
