Page 21 of Poetry By Dead Men
"You'll submit your NYU application, then?" His voice is bursting with hope and maybe a little bit of pride. His eyes scan my work, sparkling as if he’s reading a masterpiece, and my entire body warms.
"I’ll submit it," I confirm as I drag my purple ink pen across the stark white of my journal, my heart rate slowing as I confess my planned familial betrayal to the page.
Three months later, I sprint to the coffee shop after school, flashingtheenvelope from NYU at Molly and inclining my head toward our seats. At precisely 3:07 p.m., I’m standing in front of Bobby, severely out of breath, with my sweaty bangs sticking to my forehead.
Once again, I wave the envelope frantically at Molly, but she’s running back and forth as a sour-faced twenty-something impatiently taps her foot by the counter.
Bobby shoots upright in his seat when he sees the envelope, his notebook clattering to the ground as he takes it from my hand. "It’s here?" he asks, flipping the letter over and staring at the ink as if making sure it’s my name printed on the outside.
"Got here this morning. I couldn’t open it. You do it," I blurt out, squeezing my eyes shut and swallowing down bile.
Bobby doesn’t hesitate, sliding his thumb beneath the corner and peeling apart the seal.
"Wait!" I lurch toward him, placing my hands on his. Even through the panic, my skin ignites. "Maybe we should wait. I don’t want to know. Not for a few more days.”Maybe this weekend, I think, so if I don’t get in, I can crawl into bed and wallow away this little nugget of a dream, one I’m still not even sure I’ll follow through with. But if it’s a rejection, that’s it. Off to law school I go. No more dreaming.
The thought almost makes me vomit.
"Beth," he flips my hand over and interlaces his fingers with mine, and suddenly I’m not sure I care so much if I get into NYU. I’m floating, tethered to this boy, the rhythm of my pulse matching his, and I want to stay here in this moment for the rest of my life, my fingers buzzing and my heart fluttering.
He squeezes and I take a sharp inhale. "Thisisan acceptance letter," he says confidently, as if the idea that I wouldn’t be accepted is completely out of the realm of possibilities.
"How do you know?" I ask. My lip trembles, and I pull it between my teeth.
"Because not letting you in would be the biggest mistake they ever made," he says, but his attempt at reassurance bounces off my anxiety like it’s an impenetrable iron shield.
"I can’t watch." I cover my face, and Bobby laughs.
"Go get your drink. Molly’s been working on your latte art for at least ten minutes. I think it's a butterfly. Or maybe an apple. The stem could be an antenna—"
"Focus, Bobby!" I smooth down my impeccably ironed uniform skirt, needing to busy my hands.
"Sorry. Go." He waves me toward the counter. “I’ll open it, and then we can celebrate with coffee in hand."
I nod.Coffee. Yes. I know it makes no sense, but the caffeine will calm my nerves. Robotically, as if the guy I have a massive crush on isn’teither opening or closing the door to my future just a few feet away, I go get my drink.
"It came?" Molly quirks an eyebrow, and I nod, pushing down the urge to vomit.
"What if they rejected me?" I catch myself biting my nails, a habit I kicked years ago. Molly understands why I’m so nervous. She’s the only one who knows,reallyknows, what a risk it was for me to even send the application in. How bare and exposed it made me feel.
"Stop worrying," she says with a smile so big, the apples of her cheeks turn pink, "and go let Bobby tell you that you got in."
"But seriously, what if I didn’t—"
"Beth. Turn around." It’s a rare order from a usually not-at-all-bossy Molly, so I oblige.
The floor falls out from beneath my feet when I see the huge grin on Bobby’s face.
"I’m in?" I’m frozen. Can’t move. Can’t breathe.
"You’re in. Beth, you’re in!" He jumps up from the chair and rushes toward me, wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me into the air. He spins me around as Molly runs around the counter, squealing.
"You’re in!" She joins our hug.
"I'm in!" I shout, so unlike myself. I blush as the other patrons politely clap, still squeezing my arms around Bobby's neck until he sets me back down and pulls back to look at me. I feel the loss of his body heat like the sun disappearing behind a storm cloud, but his hands slide from my waist up my arms, burning me as they graze my skin.
"I never doubted it. Not for one second." He tucks my hair back behind my ears, and I stare into his eyes, unable to look away. With a smile so full of pride you'd think he was the one who just got accepted into his dream school, Bobby hugs me again, and I take a second to memorize it all.
The way he believes in me.
