Page 46 of Massacre
“I can’t tell you that, sweetheart, but no matter what you decide, the Silver Shadows will always be your family.” Kissing the top of my head, he too left, followed by the rest of the Silver Shadows who headed for church, leaving me alone with my parents.
When neither Val nor Bane said a word, I shook my head, turned, and walked over to a window, looking out into the fading sunlight.
“I don’t know how to do this. Growing up, I was never taught to make decisions. That son of a bitch who raised me decided for me. Even after I killed him and ran away, I was like a magnet for every fucked-up sycophant on the planet. They must have seen something in me I couldn’t, because they always found me andhad no problem telling me what to do. My whole life, someone decided for me. What to wear, what to eat, who to fuck. First Harold, then Dan and that sick fuck Capribella in Louisiana,” I muttered, then looked over my shoulder at my mother. “Even you.”
“What?” Val gasped, her eyes full of unshed tears.
“That day in the hospital when that nurse called you. You stormed in and started making decisions for me. Part of that was my fault. I let you take over. I was scared and vulnerable, and I clung to a way out. But you knew I was your daughter. Yet, given the chance to have me, you sent me away. Tell me,Mom, was I not good enough? Was I that damaged that you wanted to wash your hands of me?”
“Oh dear God, no!” she cried, taking a step toward me.
Holding my hand out, I stopped her. “Then what was it? I heard you talking to him. Massacre wanted me. He was rather insistent. He didn’t think when he gave me his patch. He didn’t care what happened to me. All he wanted was to protect me, but you said no. Why? So far, he’s been the only one who’s been remotely honest with me besides Dad.”
“It’s complicated, Amber. There is so much I need to tell you.”
Nodding, I sighed. “Life is complicated but would you like to know what isn’t?”
“The truth,” she whispered.
“Bingo,” I snarked. “Dad, give Mom a cookie.”
“Amber,” Bane lightly scolded.
“No,” I snapped at him. “You’ve been wanting me to talk to her for days. Well, you’re getting your wish. So tell me, Mom. What was more important than your own damned daughter?”
I could see the worry, the indecision, the war within her eyes. I knew there was more to her story. I wasn’t stupid, but I was in no frame of mind to listen. Maybe I’d never be, but seeing herstanding there like she gave a damn about me really pissed me off.
“You know what? I don’t fucking care,” I seethed. “You made your fucking decision, and now I guess it’s my turn. I just hope I do a better job than you.”
With that, my mother left, leaving me alone with Bane. Shaking his head, he whispered, “I know you’re mad, Amber. I am too, but you can’t condemn her without knowing all the facts. You need to let her explain.”
“Has she explained it all to you?” I challenged.
“Not all of it, but I didn’t go through what your mother did. One day I had her, and the next she was gone. I went on living my life while she was held captive until she gave birth. And then you were taken from her. You need to cut her some slack. She was only sixteen when she had you and your brother, who she didn’t even know about until a few months ago. She was a kid herself, alone in a world she knew nothing about. She’s spent her life searching for you.”
“She found me, Dad!” I cried as tears streamed down my face. “She found me and didn’t want me! She sent me away as if I were some stranger to live in a strange town, only checking in to make sure I was obeying her every order. She’s just like the rest of them!” Wiping my tears away, I turned my back on him and sighed. “Just leave. Leave me alone.”
No matter what I decided, I knew now that someone would get hurt. Whether it be Massacre or my family here in Diamond Creek. I never meant for any of this to happen, and on some level, I didn’t think Massacre did either. I got he was only trying to protect me, but by doing so he put a bigger mark on my head, and his too.
I knew I didn’t owe him anything, nor the Golden Skulls for that matter, but the Silver Shadows were different. I owed them everything. They welcomed me when no one else would.They gave me a safe place to live and let me heal. The women welcomed me into their circle and treated me as one of their own. When I had nobody, they became my family.
I pressed my forehead to the cool glass, the hum of voices behind me fading into the quiet ache of memory. Outside, the bikes were lined up like sentinels beneath the pale porch light, chrome gleaming, engines cooling. For a heartbeat, I wished I could disappear into the shadows, slip between the threads of fate that bound me so tightly to this place and these people.
Someone cleared their throat. I turned to find Kytten standing nearby, arms crossed, watching me.
“You alright?” she asked, her voice steady but firm.
I tried to smile. “Just thinking.”
She nodded, stepping closer. “I need to apologize to you. I’m sorry you overheard me and Thorne. You shouldn’t have found out that way. I’ve recently learned that family isn’t always about blood. Sometimes it’s about who shows up when you need them the most. The Silver Shadows—hell, even the Golden Skulls, for all their posturing—they care about you in their own twisted ways. But you get to decide where you belong. Say the word and I will get you out of here. These boys aren’t the only ones who know how to hide a person. The Nyght Nymphs have been doing it for a long time and your mother is the best at what she does.”
Her words settled in my chest, warm and heavy. The truth was, I wasn’t sure where I belonged anymore. My heart was a battlefield—allegiances and history and a longing for peace collided beneath my skin.
Kytten touched my arm. “I really am sorry.”
Looking at the young woman, I nodded as tears welled in my eyes, and Kytten’s face softened. The next thing I knew, she was hugging me as she cried, too. For what, I didn’t know, but holding onto her felt right.
As if she understood my pain.
