Page 77 of Devoured
The Executioner remained silent, a monolithic presence in the fading light. His silence was worse than any judgment.
“She deserved it.”I tried to convince myself, still scrubbing at the blood under my nails. “After everything she did—all the women she tortured—she deserved exactly what she got.”
But the words rang hollow. Somewhere between the first cut and the last, I’d crossed a line I could never uncross. The guilt hit me then, a physical weight that made my knees buckle. I slumped against the cave wall, exhaustion crashing over me in waves.
“What am I becoming?”The question came out as a whisper. “First Theo, now this. Each time it gets easier. Each time I feel less human.”
The light was almost gone now. I could barely make out the Executioner’s silhouette, but his red eyes burned through the darkness like coals refusing to die.
Then the last of the light vanished.
The darkness was absolute, pressing against me like a living thing. In that suffocating blackness, every horror rushed back. Theo’s burning screams. The wet sound of Alan’s skin peeling away. The copper taste of blood in the air. And somewhere in the dark, Alan’s corpse lay cooling. Was she really dead? What if she moved? What if she crawled toward me in the darkness, skinless fingers reaching?
A panicked sob tore from my throat. I scrambled away from where I thought her body was, following the twin points of red light burning through the darkness. My hands found his chest, solid and warm. I pressed against him, shaking, my fingers clutching at his body like he was the only real thing left in the world.
“Please.”The word came out broken. “I can’t... I can’t close my eyes. What if I see their faces? What if I dream about what I’ve done? What if I wake up and I’m even worse than before?”
His arms encircled me with infinite care. For someone designed to deal death, his touch was impossibly gentle. “You need to sleep, Zahra. Your body is failing. Rest now.”
“You don’t understand.”I pressed my face against his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of whatever passed for his heartbeat.
“The guilt is eating me alive. I’m becoming just like them. Like Varner. Like Alan. Taking pleasure in violence, in control, in making others suffer.”
“You take no pleasure in it.”His voice rumbled through his chest, vibrating against my cheek.
“I have watched true sadists for centuries. They smile as they work. They linger over pain, savoring it like wine. You did what was necessary for survival. Nothing more.”
“That doesn’t make it right,”I argued.
“No. But right and wrong are luxuries this place does not allow.”
My hands found his helmet in the darkness, fingers tracing the metal. The surface was smooth in some places, rough in others, as if it had been damaged and repaired countless times. I could feel the bolts at the edges, the seams where metal met whatever lay beneath.
“Why do you wear this?”I asked as my fingers explored the strange symbols etched into its surface. “Why keep your face hidden even in the dark?”
Silence stretched between us before he answered.
“I am not meant to be looked upon. What lies beneath would... disturb you.”
“After everything I’ve seen? Everything I’ve done?”I let my hand rest against where his cheek would be. “I don’t think anything could disturb me anymore.”
“This is different.”There was something almost vulnerable in his voice, a crack in that inhuman authority.
“The helmet does not come off. Cannot come off. It has become part of me—fused through centuries of wearing. What I was before...”
He trailed off.
“You’re ashamed.”The realization hit me with surprising force. This being who had shown no emotion through all the horrors we’d witnessed was ashamed of his appearance.
“I am ugly.”The words were simple, factual.
“Scarred beyond recognition. Burned and broken and remade so many times that nothing human remains. Not beautiful. Not like you.”
The word beautiful from him—here in this pit of nightmares, after I’d just skinned a woman alive—was so absurd I almost laughed. Instead, tears came. Hot and sudden, streaming down my face in the darkness.
“Beautiful?”My voice cracked.
“I’m covered in blood. I’ve murdered two people. I’m losing my mind in this place. How can you call me beautiful?”
