Page 1 of Devoured
Chapter 1
Warmth spread across my wrist.
I had dragged my skin across the rough edge of the cot frame where the weld hadn’t been finished right, pressing harder until the metal bit deep. The blood was warmer than I expected, pooling in the groove. My vision blurred. It wasn’t from pain, but from relief.
Control: after years without it, I had found it in the simplest act of destruction and oh it felt so good.
Behind me, Theo started laughing.
Gone were his dry chuckles when dinner wasn’t perfect, the ones that always came right before his fists. This laugh gurgled wet and drowning, as if his throat had filled with bile. I didn’t want to look, but from where I lay face-down on the cot, my eyes found the window anyway.
He stood there in the reflection, that blue shirt hanging open. His intestines had pushed through the gaps between buttons, gray-pink coils touching the floor, leaving trails when he moved. Blood ran from his mouth in thick streams. But he was laughing. Laughing like this was the funniest thing he’d ever seen.
“That’s my girl,”he said without moving his lips. “Always taking the easy way out.”
I pressed harder. The metal bit deeper. There was more blood now, running down my arm, dripping onto the concrete floor. My legs felt strange. Light. Like I might float up to the ceiling if I let go.
“You think this fixes anything?”Theo taunted me and I saw his reflection in the window step closer. A loop of gut caught on something and tore. He didn’t even care. “You think bleeding out in a cell makes you less of a murderer? Less of a fat, worthless pig?”
The room swayed—or maybe I did. My face pressed deeper into the mattress, but I could still see him in that window, grinning with those blood-black teeth.
Then I heard footsteps.
“Fuck,”I muttered through the haze that was taking over me.
“Jesus Christ.”The guard’s voice cracked. She was on her radio before she’d even finished unlocking my cell. “Medical to B-Block. Attempted suicide. Heavy bleeding.”
Her hands pressed something against my wrist—rough, probably her uniform sleeve. She kept talking into the radio, rattling off codes I didn’t understand.
The ceiling started moving above me. No—they were moving me. Lifting, rolling. The lights passed overhead like mile markers on a highway I couldn’t get off.
“Come on, Zahra! Stay with me!”I heard the woman’s voice again. She kept saying my name over and over again but it sounded far away, like she was calling from the end of a tunnel.
But, still Theo’s laughter followed me, until everything went dark. Pitch dark.
∞∞∞
When I woke up in the hospital, my wrists were strapped to the bed rails. Not tight, but enough to remind me I’d lost the right to make decisions about my own body. The bandage on my left arm was thick as a club. It throbbed with each heartbeat.
“You’re awake.”The nurse didn’t look at me as she checked the IV. “The doctor just left. But you’re stable. Another doctor will come to see you.”
Disappointment settled heavy in my chest. I’d failed. Again. Just like I’d failed to leave Theo all those times. Failed to fight back until it was too late. Failed to be the kind of woman who could handle things without falling apart.
The door opened. A woman in a white suit walked in and sat across from me. Everything about her was neat. Pressed clothes, shined shoes, not a hair out of place. When she moved her chair forward, her perfume hit me. White Shoulders, the same Mom used to wear. The scent made my chest tight.
God, when was the last time I’d thought about Mom?
The woman pulled out a leather diary and silver pen. Adjusted her glasses. When she smiled, little lines appeared around her eyes. “Hi, Zahra. I’m Dr.Wang. How are you feeling? Want to talk about it?”
I shook my head. The tears started before I could stop them.
“That’s okay.”She uncapped the pen but didn’t write anything yet. “Take your time. I’d just like to understand what happened. Maybe I can help.”
“Why don’t you read the medical files? The case files or whatever paperwork they prepare.”My voice came out rough from crying.
“I know what the report says.”She leaned forward slightly. “I’d like to hear it from you.”
I studied the water stains on the ceiling. They made shapes if you looked long enough. A dog. A cloud. A burning house.
