Page 165 of Kiss Me in the Dark
He hesitates for a moment before blurting, “Because I’m gay.”
Okay, that’s not exactly a bombshell.He might’ve thought he was hiding it, but I’ve had my doubts for a while.
“Alright,” I say casually.“Go on.”
Blaze blinks at me, clearly caught off guard by my calm reaction.“You…knew?”
“I didn’t know for sure, but I had my suspicions.You don’t exactly act ‘all straight’ sometimes.Plus, Joan was always complaining you barely wanted to sleep with her, and I know how much you like sex.”
He rolls his eyes.“You’re a piece of work, you know that?”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.Back to Landon.What’s the deal?”
Blaze shifts uncomfortably before answering.“He was my ex.We dated back in high school.It was a secret—I wasn’t ready to come out, and he hated that.He was so proud of who he was, and I…I envied him for it.”
I raise an eyebrow.“You were ashamed, and he wanted to go public?”
“Exactly.I wasn’t ready, and he didn’t want to be anyone’s secret—especially not mine.”Blaze pauses, scratching the back of his head like he’s trying to push the memory away.
“Wait,” I interrupt.“I thought you were dating Grace back then.You introduced her to everyone like she was your girlfriend.”
“I was.”Blaze sighs, his voice heavy with guilt.“She was my cover.I was dating her while I was secretly with Landon.It was shitty, I know.He hated it.He was jealous, furious.He finally said he couldn’t keep being my dirty little secret, so we ended it.”
“You broke up with him?”
“Yeah.I chose Grace over him.”Blaze’s voice cracks slightly as he continues.“I told him he wasn’t worth coming out for.”
I wince.“Damn, Blaze.I’ve always thought I was the world’s biggest asshole, but you just proved me wrong.”
“Fox,” he groans, “you’re not helping.”
“Helping?”I stare at him incredulously.“Dude, I don’t think I could ever do that to someone.You had something real, and you blew it.Big time.”
“Agreed.I know I fucked up—you don’t have to rub it in.”He leans back, rubbing his temples.
“And the worst part?”I continue, ignoring his groan.“You bullied him in college.After everything, you still went after him, even though you were head over heels for the guy.”
Blaze’s jaw tightens, and his shoulders slump.“I was jealous, alright?He was always with someone—older guys, mostly—and it drove me insane.I kept wondering if what we had even mattered to him.”
“Wow.”I shake my head in disbelief.
“Stop judging me, Fox,” he snaps, glaring.
“Fine,” I say with a shrug.“Did you ever apologize?”
“Yeah.I did.He forgave me, but I don’t think he’s willing to give me another chance.”
“Can you blame him?”I say dryly.“If I were him, I wouldn’t give you a chance either.”
Blaze glares at me.“You’re not exactly perfect, Fox.Let’s not forget how you treated Cameron when you first met him.”
I sigh, running a hand through my hair.He’s not wrong.
I don’t even have a valid reason for the way I treated Cameron in the beginning.I was rude, distant, and constantly on edge.Part of it was because he reminded me of Kendra—her confidence, her kindness—and it brought up shit I didn’t want to deal with.The rest of it was me denying my own feelings.
I didn’t want to admit I was falling for my roommate.It felt wrong, weird, and out of control.I lashed out, pushed him away, and acted like an award-winning asshole.
Nothing I did was excusable.Nothing.
