Page 50 of Prince of the Northwest Forest
I can let him in on part of that, since he always seems like my safe place. “Everything feels like shit right now,” I admit. “Except for you.”
I can almost feel his smile in the dark. “Want to elaborate? I mean, I can guess what’s wrong, but maybe you can tell me one thing that’s bothering you.”
“For starters, when will I be able to get rid of this curse? I’m not used to not knowing what’s going on. It’s annoying. Worse, it’s dangerous. We might be attacked, and without the animal early warning system, I would just have to guess what is happening.”
“True, and that must suck.”
“Thanks for sugarcoating it.” I huff out a laugh.
“I’m not going to bullshit you, Kalle. If you’re used to an ability, and it gets taken away, of course it’s going to be an adjustment.”
“Hmm. Yeah.”
We fall silent for a moment. I feel like I can hear his heart beat, although I know I can’t.
I turn so I’m on my side, facing him.
Before I can say something else, Justice says, “I know it must be tough, but you’re overlooking how you’ve been able to communicate with Hazel and Martin without talking. All humans, if they’re perceptive, can figure out some animal behavior.”
“That’s true. And I’m probably better at it than most.”
“Precisely my point.”
“But that doesn’t mean that I’ll know exactly where threats are coming from.” I pause. “And I’m missing out on all the gossip.”
Justice laughs, and the sound does things to me. To my cock, actually. I really like how he sounds when he’s joyous. “Ah, so you do love the gossip.”
I shrug, even though I know he can’t see it.
“What else is running around in your head?” Justice asks.
You. What you look like when you’re hiking. The way you fed me and are caring for me when you don’t have to. The way you insisted upon coming on this journey. How stunning you are, inside and out. How, when you talk, I feel like I already know you and what you’re going to say, but it’s still a delightful game for me to guess anyway.
I can’t tell him any of that, so I settle for different parts of the truth.
“I wish that this curse were gone, yes. But also, I wish I didn’t have to marry Princess Eleanor. And that is foul of me. It’s cowardly. It shouldn’t matter what I want. My people’s safety is what’s most important. And being resentful doesn’t help anything. I wish I didn’t feel resentful. I wish I didn’t feel like everything was so messed up, or like I was never going to get what I want. I know I’m whining. I’m a grown man. I need to stop.”
“Maybe you just want to be heard and not judged,” he says.
“Maybe. Yeah.”
A northern spotted owl hoots. I wonder if I know them.
I’m embarrassed to have spewed so much childish selfishness, but I do feel a little bit better now that I’ve gotten it out. But I’ve also been wondering about something else, and now, in the dark, might be the time to bring it up.
“I’m curious,” I say slowly. “And you don’t have to answer. But … what memory did the fae take from you?”
A long pause. So long that I’m about to take my question back and say never mind, and then Justice says quietly, “My first kiss. Who it was with. When it was. What it felt like. I remember none of it.”
My stomach clenches in anger. The fae took awaythatmemory? I assume it was a good one. I would think thatmost people remember their first kiss. And the fact that Justice doesn’t anymore feels wrong. “That’s vile of them,” I blurt.
Do I remember my first kiss? I rack my brain. No. Strange.
“It seems minor,” Justice says, “but it’s a hole in my brain. Anything connected to that memory is gone, too.”
“It’s not minor,” I assure him. “It’s the entry to a special aspect of your life. It’s natural that you want to remember it.”
It also makes me think that someone should replace that memory with a new one. After all, isn’t a first kiss with someone new still a first kiss, albeit a different kind?
