Page 69 of Curious
How revolutionary would that be? To stay married to my husband because I genuinely want to be married to him?
CHAPTER22
Shelby
“Happy three-month anniversary!” Alden says, beaming as he leans against the reception desk.
“Thanks,” I say, sounding a little glum. I’m in a mood, and to distract myself, I’m working on a project for Cam—everyone is so used to me having craft supplies out at the reception desk that no one asks me what I’m doing, and I’m caught up on my other work—but I don’t know if I’ll ever have the chance to give it to him.
Alden frowns. “Why don’t you sound happy?”
“Because … his ankle is pretty much healed, and soon it’s going to be the test of whether we stay together or split up.” I blow out a breath, ruffling my bangs.
Alden’s eyes widen. “You’re not going to split up anymore. Are you? Just because that was the original plan doesn’t mean that you have to do it,” he scolds.
“I guess.”
“No,” he says forcefully. “You know it’s true. Is he someone you’d want to stay with?”
Nodding, I say, “Yeah.”
He beams. “That’s wonderful!”
“No, it’s not.” I kick at my chair legs.
“Why not?” Alden cocks his head, looking genuinely curious.
I groan, and I know it comes out whiny. But I’m allowed to whine, at least a little bit, aren’t I? “Nothing is going the way it was supposed to. For starters, this was supposed to be easy, and he was supposed to be straight.” I pick up a pen and start doodling on a scratch pad, needing to dosomething.
Alden shifts his weight. “So, what’s the problem? He’s not as straight as he thought, you like him more than you expected to… I’m not seeing how this is bad.”
“Ugh,” I say. “I do like him. He’s sweet, and kind, and I want him.”
“And he’s handsome and your husband, and he wants you. That’s great!”
My voice drops to a harsh whisper as Demi walks by. “I wasn’t supposed to let pesky feelings get involved. I mean, Cam was supposed to be untouchable. Not literally. Just, you know, he wasn’t supposed to be an option.”
“But he’s so comfortable in his sexuality that he’s okay with being a little bit bi.”
“Or a lot bi, apparently.” I sigh. “He even came out to his brother. He’s really, really good in bed, and I have no idea how I happened to get so lucky. Except it’s terrible luck, because this amazing guy happens to be the one I’m married to.”
“That makes zero sense. You’re talking in circles.”
“It’s because I don’t understand how to deal with this. I don’t know what the right thing to do is: to stick with our agreement or to follow my feelings.”
“Feelings, obviously.”
“Don’t say that so fast. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I don’t know if I can handle being with him for real. I’ve never had a good boyfriend. He says I have an issue with thinking I don’t deserve nice things. Or things at all.”
“He’s right,” Alden says. “So… he’s one of those nice things that you don’t think you deserve?”
“Yeah. That.” I stare down at my desk.
Alden reaches over and squeezes my hand. “Just so you know … you’re wrong, Shelby. You deserve to be happy. Just talk with him some more.”
* * *
So I do.
