Page 63 of Curious
I think I fucked my brains out. And his.
I slow down, like a freight train still going down the track but coasting, until I’ve milked everything out of me. Inside him still, I pull him back on his knees and turn his head so our mouths can meet over his shoulder.
Our tongues collide in a hard, desperate kiss. Tired, but still wanting more of each other.
Eventually, I soften and slip out of him. There’s a trail of my come running from his asshole and down his leg, and I stare at it for a moment. I run a finger through it, and he sees me doing it, then opens his mouth. I put my finger to his lips, and he sucks it so hard my dick tries to get up again.
We adjust so he’s lying on his back and I’m on my side next to him. I’m not willing to stop kissing him, even though I’m out of breath.
Finally, he pulls away, and we collapse next to each other, panting. One of my hands is on my belly, going up and down with my breath. The other toys with his hair.
While I don’t want to break the spell, I do anyway. “That was unbelievable,” I whisper.
He turns to look at me, his eyes serious. “Yeah. It was.”
CHAPTER20
Shelby
Sex with Camden has been amazing from the start, but what we just shared was transcendent. I don’t know another way to describe it.
It wasconnection. It was fucking hot. It was him taking care of me and using me in equal measure. More like he took care of mebyusing me, which is a mindfuck that I don’t even want to contemplate. I’m going to be walking funny tomorrow, and I don’t care at all.
Cam was supposed to be my convenient husband and maybe my friend, but he’s become my boyfriend and my lover. Having a lover is something I’ve always wanted, and now that I know what it’s like, I don’t think I can go back to the kind of sex that’s just a bodily function, we both get off and it’s no big deal. I want him in my bed forever. I’m both sated and scared, because what the actual hell? Cam seemedinto it. And I don’t want to question that, even if I know I’m going to.
I reach out and stroke his bare arm, and he turns to me and smiles, sleepy and comfortable, then leans over to kiss me. It takes me a moment to kiss him back, because each time he does it, my brain needs to kick in. It’s not automatic.
The part that’s automatic is: Camden is just married to me for the health insurance. He’s not actually into guys. This is him figuring out his sexuality. I am the experiment.
Except … he said he’s my boyfriend, so maybe I can allow in some hope. Maybe, like Alden says, I can not worry and create something bad in the future. After all, Cam’s tongue in my mouth sure feels like something wonderful—somethingmore. I pull back, and he tilts his head quizzically. “You okay?” he asks, his dark hair splayed on the white sheets.
I trace his jaw. “Yeah. I guess I didn’t think you’d be so into it. I’m waiting for you to finally have a bi panic attack.”
His cheeks go pink. It’s frankly adorable for a tough guy to be so flustered. Then he sits up and squares his shoulders. “Not gonna happen. I like you, and I think you’re hot.”
“Well, I guess that’s reason enough to get together with someone,” I tease.
It is. I’ve slept with guys for only one of those reasons—or even none. But with Cam, I don’t know. It just feels different. Maybe because I want to be different and to stop being played. I don’t think Cam would ever play me—he’s a total straight shooter. I don’t think he could lie for shit even if he tried.
But that also means that if he ever hurts me, he’ll do it to my face, because he’s not going to pretend. In other words, I can still get rejected. And that’s scary.
As if seeing all these thoughts parade through my brain, Camden tugs me to him and rolls onto his back. He’s so warm under me. I like the hair on his chest and the stubble on his cheeks. I rake my hands across his pecs and tug on his nipples. He’s manly and strong, and part of me wants to have someone strong take my burdens away for the first time in my life.
* * *
When I walk in from work the next day, Cam’s on the phone with someone—I assume his brother—and I hear him sigh. “I’m counting the days.” Pause. “Yeah, I know. I’m almost done.” He looks at me and raises his eyebrows, giving me a chin-up nod.
While the logical part of me knows he’s likely talking about finishing the physical therapy to fix his ankle, the scared part thinks that it’s also the amount of time we have left together.
In any case, he should have the chance to choose me of his own free will, not because I moved into his house and won’t leave.
That thought terrifies me—giving him the freedom he deserves. Because I’m not someone that other people want to keep around.
Before Cam can see the look on my face, I beeline out to the pool house, and ten minutes later, Cam finds me in bed, curled up into myself. A tear slides down my cheek, and I brush it away as fast as I can.
“Hey,” he says, climbing onto the bed next to me. “Hey. What’s going on?”
I sniffle and shake my head.
